The lost boys

The parents of Adam and Mathew Rotell spent years fighting over them in court, and Mathew ended up dead. Why couldn't the system save him?

By MIKE WILSON

© St. Petersburg Times, published April 16, 2000

[Illustration by Octavio Perez ]

First of two parts

The hearing in Courtroom 393 began just after lunch. The mother and her lawyer were there. So were the father and his lawyer. The boy's doctor was there but the boy was not. At 6, he was too young to understand what the grownups were saying about him.

It was an emergency hearing. Two days earlier, the boy's mother had taken him to the doctor, saying he was complaining of an itchy bottom.

'He's laying on his back with his legs flexed up on his abdomen," the doctor said in court. What he saw startled him, he said. The opening was dilated 'probably an inch and a half, two inches."

'Okay," the mother's lawyer said. 'And how far down would that be that you could see?"

'Approximately four. I wrote on my note approximately 4 inches. I didn't even attempt to measure it. I have been in practice for 18 years and I have never seen anything like that at all."

The boy's name was Mathew. His mother had said he and his 7-year-old brother, Adam, spent the weekend with their father. Suspecting abuse, the doctor had called the sheriff's office and taken pictures of Mat's bottom. Now he gave them to the judge.

The lawyer for the father asked the doctor some questions, but the judge interrupted.

'I'm not going to continue the hearing," she said. 'I am going to suspend all visitation at this time." The father would not be allowed to see his boys or communicate with them in any way, at least until a psychologist with expertise in child sexual abuse could examine them.

The father's lawyer objected, but the judge cut him off. She wasn't sure Mat had been abused but she wasn't taking any chances.

'You know that in this courtroom I err on the side of caution," she said. She was protecting the child from his father.

[Times files] The Rotell family -- Kristina, Adam and Steve -- before the breakup. Months after this picture was taken, and only weeks after Mat was born, she filed for divorce.

Several months later, the police say, he died at the hands of his mother.

Mat Rotell's death a year ago last week ended a lifetime of suffering. His parents, Stephen Rotell and Kristina Gaime, separated when he was one month old and battled in court until the day he died. The case file in Rotell vs. Rotell is more than a foot high. (Gaime is the name Kristina took when she remarried.)

Rotell and Gaime were fighting over what a lot of divorced people fight over -- the children. Gaime, 35, believed Adam and Mat were being abused sexually when they were in the care of their father. She documented what she considered evidence of abuse, ending up with a bizarre photo album of suspected hickeys and possibly dilated anuses.

Three times the authorities investigated Steve Rotell. Three times they found no evidence he had done anything wrong. Psychologist after psychologist concluded he was a loving father who doted on his children. Rotell's friends describe him as a great dad, a gentle but consistent disciplinarian who put his children first in his life.

Still, in the family court's effort to protect Adam and Mathew, it repeatedly disrupted their relationship with him. A judge canceled their family trip to Pennsylvania to see Rotell's parents. Child abuse investigators quizzed the boys endlessly about whether Daddy touched their pee-pees and their bottoms. For more than a year, Rotell, 38, wasn't allowed to be with his boys unless another adult was with them. Finally, he was banished from their lives completely, and in Mat's case, forever.

The authorities had reason to be concerned about Adam and Mathew. But always, the only evidence against Rotell was the word of his former wife, who hated him.

'I can't give Mat back to that man," she once wrote. She never did.

It's easy to understand the grim effects of child sexual abuse, much harder to understand the impact of taking a child away from a parent. The courts knew how to protect the boys if their father was abusing them. But they had no idea what to do if he wasn't.

Gary and Kathie McDuffie moved their family from up North to Lutz in Pasco County when Kristina was 9. She became a cheerleader at Pine View Middle School in Land O'Lakes.

'A normal little American girl," Kathie says.

But she was different from her classmates in at least one way: Her family lived in a nudist colony at Lake Como. Kris and her younger brother Shawn 'adapted to it real easy," Gary McDuffie says. 'It's not a big deal."

Still, he moved the family to Tampa when his daughter was 12 because he 'didn't want her to have the stigma of where she lived." She was a cheerleader at Land O'Lakes High but was unpopular, she once wrote, 'because I didn't drink, do drugs or mess around." She went to Hillsborough Community College and, like her mother, became a nurse.

She was working at St. Joseph's Hospital when she met Steve Rotell. A respiratory therapist, he was a fitness buff and a self-taught chef.

Married in 1988, they built their dream house in Lutz.

Adam was born in March 1991, Mathew in August 1992. According to Kathie McDuffie, Rotell's 'No. 1

[Times files ] When Mat Rotell was in first grade, he was asked to write about his family. He wrote, "When my family gets together, we -- " He never finished the sentence.

thing" was being a father. He would sit on the couch for hours with Adam in his arms, kissing him, talking to him, cuddling him.

'I thought it was very unusual," Gary says.

On Oct. 12, 1992, Gaime filed for divorce, alleging that her husband was abusive. He denied it.

Gaime's parents moved in with her and the boys. Gary and Kathie McDuffie say they wanted the house to be a 'neutral zone," but they found it hard not to side with their daughter. They financed her legal war against Rotell, spending $120,000 on the case.

Gaime and Rotell had been apart more than a year when Adam started behaving strangely.

'When Adam came home from visits with Daddy, he would walk in the door and he would hit me and he would tell me how much he hated me," Gaime once testified. He said he was going to kill her, burn down the house, burn her clothes. He was 21/2.

Gaime and her family also reported some disturbing sexual play. Once, Adam tried to put his mouth on Mat's penis, Kathie McDuffie said. Another time he chased his brother around the house, trying to kiss his bottom. He called this 'the kissy-kissy game" and said Daddy had taught it to him.

When Mat was 16 months old, Gaime noticed a red bloom on his chest. She asked Rotell about it. According to her, he said, 'I was blowing on him and I was playing with him and rubbing and stuff and he has a hickey." Rotell denied giving a hickey.

[Times files] “Mat (pictured here) was a little Tweety Bird,” says Patsi Mooney, a friend of Steve Rotell. “Adam was the big brother, the leader. And Mat was behind him every step of the way.”

Whatever the source of the mark, Gaime preserved it as evidence by taking a picture.

Four months later she found what she believed was another hickey, this time on Adam. She scrawled a warning letter to Rotell, informing him that she was taking them to Joseph Lupo, a child psychiatrist.

Lupo had already told her he saw no evidence of sexual abuse, but she didn't say that in the note to Rotell.

'Adam came home from last weekend in April (with you) with a hickey on his neck (R side). He says "Daddy gave it to him.' . . . This behavior needs to stop or action will be taken to stop it. . . .

'Adam has obviously witnessed some very private contact between two parties at Daddies house. I do ask that all adults in your home please be aware that children are present . ...

'Lastly, Adam has told me that you take off his clothes and rub him all over & that "it feels good.' I want this to stop! . . . Adam has shown me what you do & It's not natural. Please don't do it anymore. My lawyer is aware of all the above, as is your lawyer."

A few days later, Gaime received a call from someone with Health and Rehabilitative Services. The caller said Steve Rotell was under investigation for child abuse.

It was the beginning of Investigation No. 1.

Gaime and her parents swear they don't know who called HRS.

An investigator went to Gaime's house and asked some questions. Five days later, Gaime and Rotell went before Judge Roland Gonzalez to finalize their divorce settlement. It was Gaime's 30th birthday. The agreement addressed everything from who would get the antique rifle (Rotell) to who would pay for the children's medical insurance (Rotell again).

Mat and Adam would live with their mother and spend every other weekend with their father. They would see him once or twice during the week.

Gaime and her lawyer did not tell the judge that Rotell was under investigation for child abuse, something even Rotell didn't know. HRS hadn't contacted him.

A few days later, Gaime's parents asked her what had become of the investigation. Rotell was scheduled to take his sons on vacation to Pennsylvania the next morning. Shouldn't she find out what was going on before he left?

Gaime called HRS investigator Tara Ferguson.

'She said, "If you let those kids go out of state and something happens to those children, we'll put you in jail for failure to protect your children. We'll prosecute you, not your husband. You,' " Gaime said. ' "You need to contact your attorney and you need to get before a judge and you need to stop that visit.' "

The next morning, hours before Rotell's flight, Gaime's lawyer filed a motion asking a judge to cancel the vacation.

'Although the Former Wife did not register the complaint with HRS and does not know whether the Former Husband has committed any sexual abuse . . . toward the minor child, the Former Wife feels she has no choice but to bring this motion," it said.

The judge told Rotell not to take the boys out of state. He ordered him to have a responsible adult with him whenever he spent time with the boys. If they were spending the night, Rotell would have to find a friend to stay overnight too.

All this because somebody called HRS and accused Rotell of something. There was no evidence he had done anything to the boys, but what judge would take a chance on an accused child molester?

Rotell was furious when he found out his former wife knew he was under investigation at the final divorce hearing but hadn't said anything. Had he known, he might not have agreed to let the children live with her.

'It would have then been clear that the Former Wife would use all means necessary to thwart the Former Husband's relationship with his Minor Children," according to papers filed by his lawyer.

Two days after the judge stopped the vacation, Adam was interviewed by child abuse specialists at the Child Advocacy Center in Tampa. He did not implicate his father.

A Hillsborough sheriff's investigator went to Rotell's house, read him his rights and questioned him. From the investigator's report: 'Writer notes that neither Adam nor Mathew Rotell (has) made any allegations of abuse . . . and Mr. Rotell denies any type of abuse. Writer notes that there have been custody and divorce problems between the mother and father of the children.

'Writer has no evidence to prove any violation . . . has occurred. Writer is requesting this case cleared unfounded."

Investigation No. 1 was over.

Another inquiry was going on at the time -- one initiated by Rotell himself. After Gaime sent the letter about the hickeys, Rotell hired a mental health counselor, Dania M. Brown of Tampa, to evaluate Adam.

Brown spoke to Dr. Richard Hoffman, a psychologist who worked with the family before the divorce.

'It is Dr. Hoffman's impression that . . . Mr. Rotell is an active and an involved parent," Brown wrote. 'He is a firm and consistent disciplinarian, but he is also eager for his children to be happy and contented. According to Dr. Hoffman, Mr. Rotell is a "solid guy.' "

Brown saw Adam in her office 11 times in spring and summer 1994. The following is taken from her report:

July 1: Adam separated easily from his mother. . . . He was asked questions about touches. Adam reported that his Daddy touched his 'pee, but not any bad guys." He would not respond to further questions.

July 11: Adam was asked the following questions:

'Who hurts you?"

'Nobody."

'Who kisses your pee?"

'Nobody."

Adam denied that his mother, father, Mathew or any other individual kissed his pee.

Brown's conclusion: There was nothing to substantiate that Adam had been abused or exposed to sexually inappropriate behavior.

So why was he so angry? Why did he behave so strangely?

'Most likely (because) of the continuing conflicted relationship between his parents," Brown wrote. She recommended that they get counseling 'so that he can continue to have a relationship with both of his parents."

A few days after Brown wrote her report, Gaime took the boys to see Lupo, the child psychiatrist. She told him that Brown had recommended that Rotell's time with the boys be supervised.

Brown's report said nothing of the kind.

Adam was growing angrier. He bit Mathew on the nose, jabbed the dog with a stick, held the cat head first over the toilet and threw his hamster and killed it. In his mother's household, he was getting a reputation as a difficult little boy.

'Mat would give you the last nickel he had," Kathie McDuffie says. 'Adam would take the last nickel."

[Times photo: Fraser Hale 1999] Their grandsons’ behavior convinced Kathie and Gary McDuffie that somebody was hurting Adam and Mathew. “When you’re a grandparent, you watch those children so much closer than when it’s your own children,” Kathie says.

Adam and Mat were playing with squirt guns on the porch one day, with Gaime and Kathie McDuffie watching through the sliding glass door. Adam started pulling at Mat's pants.

'We were laughing because we thought . . . Mathew had pooped his pants and Adam was going to do the brotherly thing and help get this dirty diaper off of him," Kathie said in a deposition.

Gaime grabbed a video camera and started shooting. Adam couldn't pull down Mat's pants, so he gave up and pulled down his own. Adam had an erection. He bent over and told Mat to squirt him in the behind, which Mat did.

Gaime showed the tape to Lupo. The child psychiatrist testified that the boys' behavior 'was beyond what most children this age do with each other. . . . Something's happening to make them act this way."

Later, at Gaime's request, Lupo wrote a letter to her lawyer. The McDuffies cite it as some of the best evidence that Rotell abused the boys.

Lupo wrote, '(Adam) did admit to putting his finger in his brother's anal and rectal area and said, "Daddy does that to Mat.' " Because of that statement and Adam's other suggestive behavior, Lupo said he was 'very concerned that Adam is involved in (inappropriate) sexual play and he is being overstimulated."

But Lupo's letter omitted significant information. Here is an excerpt from his sworn deposition, taken months later by Rotell's lawyer, Ron Russo:

LUPO: I was telling (Adam) that I understand that he and his . . . brother play games with the (squirt) gun, and putting fingers in their bottoms, and Adam said, 'Daddy does that to Mat." And he corroborated that touching his pee pee felt good. But if you would ask Adam, 'Does Dad do this to you?" He would say, 'Yes." 'Does Mom do this to you?" 'Yes." 'Does Grandmother do this to you?" 'Yes."

RUSSO: So he says all of those things?

LUPO: Yeah.

One morning, changing Mat's diaper, Gaime saw something that troubled her.

'I have never seen his bottom look like that before. It was swollen and it was open about the size of a quarter or half-dollar and it was red and bruised and just very abnormal," she said.

Mat's pediatrician said he couldn't tell if the dilation was abnormal and suggested that Mat be checked by Bonnie Skalaren, a nurse practitioner on Tampa's Child Protection Team who specializes in child sexual abuse.

When Gaime called the Child Protection Team, a report was filed with HRS and the Hillsborough Sheriff's Office.

Investigation No. 2 had begun.

The next day, Oct. 11, 1994, Gaime filed a motion asking the court to cut off Rotell's visitation.

'The children have continued to exhibit behavior suggesting that they are being exposed to either sexual abuse, sexual molestation and/or sexual stimulation," the document said.

Skalaren found no physical evidence of abuse. That's not unusual; there is often no physical evidence even when abuse has occurred.

In interviews with child abuse investigators, the boys said nobody had touched them or hurt them. Again, the sheriff's office closed its investigation without filing charges.

Investigation No. 2 was over.

Something's happening to make them act this way, Lupo had said.

At ages 3 and 2, Adam and Mat were the shell-shocked refugees of a domestic war. Mommy and Daddy didn't speak to each other, except on each other's answering machines, in notes they tucked into the boys' backpacks, or through legal counsel. Nanny and Pa Pa -- the McDuffies -- didn't speak to Daddy, either. When he called, they handed the phone to the boys without saying a word to him.

'Children sense things, hear things, see things that tell them one of their parents is ridiculing or putting down the other parent," psychologist Isolina Ricci writes in Mom's House, Dad's House, one of the best known books about children and divorce. 'It feels awful. It is confusing. It is scary. It's embarrassing."

Once, Gaime said Rotell grabbed her arm and twisted it when he came to pick up the children. He said she tore Mat from his arms and started screaming and crying.

'Adam was hysterically crying and saying, "Mommy, you said you won't hit Daddy anymore, you won't be mean to Daddy anymore. You should go into time out,' " Rotell testified.

Experts universally agree that all this is terrible for children.

'Children do poorly when their parents are engaged in open hostilities and even worse when their parents involve them in the battle," Ricci writes. 'The longer and more intense the war, the more potential long-term damage to their child."

Child Sexual Abuse, by Karen L. Kinnear, lists behaviors that indicate possible sexual abuse in children, including sexual aggressiveness toward other children, cruelty to animals and regression in potty training. Gaime and the McDuffies saw these behaviors and concluded the boys were being abused.

But Kinnear writes, 'These symptoms may also be indicators of other problems in the family."

HRS and the police had cleared Rotell in the second investigation, but Gaime still wanted a judge to cut off Rotell's time with his children.

Hearing the evidence took the better part of 1995. Along the way, Rotell filed papers accusing Gaime of making up the abuse allegations to keep the children away from him.

'The pattern of parental alienation is unmistakable and undeniable," the papers said. 'Her ultimate goal is to poison and destroy the father-son relationships."

False accusations of child sexual abuse and violence against children are increasing, says Evan Marks, a Miami lawyer who serves on the state Commission on Responsible Fatherhood. A scraped knee, twisted arm -- or suspiciously red bottom -- can provide ammunition for an attack on a former spouse.

Presented with a possible case of sexual abuse, judges tend to keep the child away from the suspected abuser.

'No judge wants to read in the paper that they did not do the right thing and as a result a tragedy occurred," Marks says.

How can judges know when the allegations are false? In Childhood Sexual Abuse, Kinnear writes that 'cases in which the parents are considering divorce or are divorced are less likely to be proven true than allegations in other situations."

Among the red flags judges should look for: pending separation or divorce, unresolved visitation and custody issues, unresolved financial issues and parental involvement in relationships with others.

Every one of those was a factor in the abuse allegations involving Gaime and Rotell.

It fell to Hillsborough Circuit Judge James Moody to weigh the safety of the children against the possibility of false abuse allegations.

Moody agreed the boys behaved strangely. 'But it doesn't necessarily follow that it's a product of sexual child abuse. If it did follow that it was a product of sexual child abuse, it does not follow that it's a product of abuse committed by Mr. Rotell.

Moody pointed out that Rotell was trapped in a kind of legal purgatory: the system couldn't prove he was an abuser and Rotell couldn't prove he wasn't. Therefore, he would always be under suspicion. 'A father who is accused of sexual child abuse has almost an impossible task of trying to prove (he is innocent)," Moody said.

The dilation of Mat's rectum was 'probably anal penetration of some sort," but he couldn't place the blame on Rotell.

'It's just as easy to say that Adam penetrated his brother rectally with some object," he said. 'So to suggest that Mr. Rotell has done something, rather than Adam doing something or rather than someone else doing something, is a step that the evidence in this case hasn't shown. So I do not find that Mr. Rotell has committed sexual child abuse."

Moody lifted the restrictions on Rotell's time with the children; for the first time in 18 months, he would be allowed to see them without someone supervising.

He called Gaime 'hyper-vigilant" in her concerns about sexual abuse and warned that if she wasn't careful her actions could be construed as vindictive.

'I think she's got a difficult line to walk from this point forward," Moody said.

In her copy of the court transcript, Gaime scribbled, 'I feel a threat."

-- Next: Investigation No. 3, and the loss of a little boy.

[Illustration by Octavio Perez ]

About the story

Chronology

Key events in the story of Steve Rotell, Kristina Rotell (now Gaime), and their children, Adam and Mathew:

1988

• Sept. 24: Rotell and Gaime are married.

1991

• March 16: Adam Louis Rotell is born.

1992

• Aug. 31: Mathew Allen Rotell is born.
• Oct. 12: Gaime files for divorce.

1994

• May 16: Someone from Health and Rehabilitative Services tells Gaime that Steve Rotell is under investigation for child abuse. Investigation No. 1 begins.
• Aug. 17: The Hillsborough sheriff's office closes the investigation against Rotell, calling it 'unfounded."
• Oct. 10: A pediatrician suggests Gaime see child abuse investigators after she notices dilation and redness on Mat's bottom. Investigation No. 2 of Rotell begins.
• Nov. 10: The sheriff's office again declares the case 'unfounded."

1995

• December: After a year of motions and hearings, Judge James Moody refuses to cut off Rotell's visitation, saying there is no evidence he is an abuser.

1996

• March 8: Gaime marries Jerry Gaime. They move to a farm in Brandon.

1998

• Oct. 1: Her marriage in trouble, Kristina Gaime leaves the farm and moves into a town home in Land O'Lakes.
• Oct. 19: After a weekend with the boys at Disney World, Rotell drops them at school Monday morning. When Gaime picks up Mat, she says, he is complaining of an itchy bottom.
• Oct. 20: At 5 p.m., a day and a half after Rotell last saw the boys, Gaime takes Mat to see a pediatrician, who is shocked to see his bottom dilated more than an inch. Investigation No. 3 begins.
• Oct. 23: Without hearing testimony from Rotell or his witnesses, Judge Vivian Maye cuts off his access to both boys and orders sexual abuse evaluations of them.

1999

• Feb. 10: Rotell's lawyer files papers saying the evaluations are complete and they find no evidence that Rotell abused the boys. He asks the court to allow Rotell to see his children again.
• Early April: Gaime, her parents and the boys go on a Caribbean cruise.
• April 12: Gaime's mother answers an alarm call at Gaime's town home. She finds Mathew dead in Gaime's van. The police will conclude that Gaime killed Mathew and tried to kill Adam and herself.

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