Web site we like

By TOM ZUCCO

© St. Petersburg Times, published April 21, 2000

Just browsing . . .

http://www.despair.com

Let's visit the headquarters of Despair Inc. First, we'll learn about the company's long and storied tradition.

"It began with one man's dream. A dream of the perfectly realized American company. A company that would create dissatisfied customers in the process of exploiting demoralized employees while selling overpriced and ineffective products to remediate the problems caused by the very process itself. On March 23, 1998, the dream became a reality when Despair incorporated."

Now let's find out a little about the company's chief operating officer, the ubiquitous E. Larry Kersten.

"I'd like to invite you to learn more about Despair Inc. by reading the following articles. But I won't, because the information contained therein is as grotesquely spun as the news you enjoy on nightly television."

One of the articles states that in celebration of a record sales day recently, Kersten announced plans to lay off 243 of "the littlest people" at the company.

Oh, and the company logo?

That would be this: :-(

Despair.com is more than a parody of every self-serving corporate Web site on the Net. The people who put this together, whoever they are, are good. REALLY good. Another example: Kersten says the original name of the company was Desparities, but he had to change it because "people either didn't know what it meant or had a hard time spelling it.

Beautiful.

The hook is, of course, sales. Kersten sells a "demotivational" line of stationery products, including one of their biggest movers, a poster that reads "APATHY: If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us."

I've probably given away too much already. Suffice it to say that if you're just a little cynical, just a little tired of all the mindless, blatant selling on the Net, you've just found a home.

Okay. One more thing about the company. Their motto.

"We can't spell failure without URA."

If you'd like to nominate a site, drop me an e-mail at zucco@sptimes.com