Gifted children need balanced parenting

By CAROLYN SANDLIN-SNIFFEN

© St. Petersburg Times, published April 26, 2000

Your 6-year-old can do math beyond her grade level. Could she be another Einstein? Your 10-year-old has an expansive vocabulary and is an expert on a variety of topics. Might he be the next Hemingway?

Those sparks of talent ignite the imagination in every proud parent. But before your fantasies run wild, it's important to recognize that raising a gifted child is a challenge that carries special responsibilities. Talents and strengths must be nurtured if they are to grow. Children need outlets for expression. Otherwise, frustration can result when all that creativity gets bottled up.

If you offer too little support, you could shortchange your child. If you push too hard, you can put your child at risk for emotional problems. Balance is key to parenting a talented, well-adjusted child.

If a youngster possesses a special talent, a teacher may spot it. Often, however, parents first notice that a child seems to be ahead of other kids the same age. There is no single set of criteria to identify "giftedness" in children. They may excel academically in all subjects or in one specific area. They may be underachievers who get into trouble, don't pay attention in class and don't do homework. They may have learning disabilities together with their intellectual strengths. Special needs and special gifts sometimes co-exist in these talented children.

You won't find all of the following characteristics in every exceptional child, but if you have seen several, your youngster may be gifted.

Exhibits early development. Most gifted children talk early and have advanced vocabularies. Many learn to read before they start school, often teaching themselves.

Shows an intense curiosity and a questioning mind. A gifted child will ask penetrating questions and demand responses. (Recently, one of my advanced students interrupted class to ask, "Is the tartar on my teeth the same stuff in tartar sauce?"

Enjoys games that involve thought and reasoning. A gifted child is likely to engage in energetic conversations with imaginary friends.

Becomes deeply absorbed in activities that interest them. Minds of gifted kids won't quit, even when their bodies are exhausted.

Prone to setting impossible standards and feeling like failures when they can't meet them.

Many kids exhibit some of these characteristics on occasion, but gifted children possess several of them to an unusual extent.

If you think your child is gifted, keep a portfolio of creative writing or work samples. Make it as specific as possible so that when you meet with the teacher, you'll have evidence. For a child to qualify for a gifted program, individual testing is required. The most popular tests measure logical thinking (traditional IQ tests), creative thinking abilities and specific subject strengths, such as math or science.

It's important to be aware of the special kinds of problems gifted kids face. They are often perfectionists who can't tolerate imperfection in themselves or in others. Look for opportunities to explain that mistakes are part of the learning process, and kids can still feel satisfied when they've done their best, even if the work is not flawless.

Making and keeping friends is another problem for many gifted kids. They tend to be independent and assertive. When they tell others what to do, classmates often avoid them. One way to help is to encourage appreciation for others by pointing out that everyone has special talents. The child who is average in academics might have a great sense of humor, be a dedicated musician or especially skilled in athletics.

Parents of talented children have a responsibility to help their kids reach their potential, but there is a difference between making sure they are challenged and making them feel peculiar. Even whiz kids need time to play and hang out with other kids. Your most important job is to make your children feel loved and accepted, not for their advanced skills, but because they're yours.

Carolyn Sandlin-Sniffen teaches language arts and reading at Seminole Middle School in Pinellas County.

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