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Dumb as a rock
By STEVE PERSALL, Times Film Critic © St. Petersburg Times, published April 28, 2000
Not that it will, of course. But it should. Viva Rock Vegas is a limp prequel to a bad 1994 movie, both worthy of neglect on television when you're too busy to change the channel. A theater screen practically shrinks to TV size while this second dumbing wobbles along with more screenwriters (four) than decent jokes. Effects aren't special. This prehistoric dino-bore could be retitled The Land Before Time Stood Still. Director Brian Levant is the only "talent" returning from The Flintstones, seduced by the original's $130-million box office take. The brand name still promises a busy opening weekend, but a new direction was necessary. Levant uses the film's one-line pitch -- young Fred, Wilma, Barney and Betty in love -- and skims past its potential. The movie begins with Fred Flintstone (The Full Monty's Mark Addy) and Barney Rubble (Stephen Baldwin) graduating to operating dino-cranes at the rock quarry. Betty O'Shale (Jane Krakowski) is a flirty car-hop -- cue the Burger King tie-in -- and Wilma Slaghoople (Kristen Johnston) is a reluctant debutante. They double-date, with Fred and Betty matched at first. Then Barney's wheezy chuckle makes Betty twitter, and the rest is matrimony. Why does it have to be this easy? Comedy is found in conflict, and a rivalry among the foursome could be fun, even subversive. Instead, it's time to dawdle with familiar geological puns and foam rubber, pseudo-Muppet tools and appliances. The gambling capital Rock Vegas doesn't figure into the mix until more than halfway through the movie. Rich guy Chip Rockefeller (Thomas Gibson) needs to marry into Wilma's fortune, scheming to wreck her relationship with Fred by making him a compulsive, rooked gambler. Mobsters pop in occasionally for lame menace while Betty makes Barney jealous by hanging around rock star Mick Jagged (Alan Cumming). Cumming also has a facial role as the Great Gazoo, a mini-alien on Earth to monitor human mating habits. The computerized insertion of Cumming's face on a floating salt shaker body is impressive, and the actor's fey sarcasm is the best underused part of the movie. Universal Pictures wanted to take another chance on the franchise but hedges its bet. Almost everything looks cheaper or recycled in the prequel. The principal cast couldn't cost as much as John Goodman's Fred Flintstone salary alone. The studio got a bargain in three of the main actors. Addy (The Full Monty) is much better than Goodman, closely mimicking Jackie Gleason's grumbling cadence, which inspired Fred's voice. Baldwin has the proper goofy countenance for Barney, and Krakowski returns Betty to her rightful babe status after Rosie O'Donnell ruined the original. Johnston is okay as Wilma, but Elizabeth Perkins was more like the animated version. The most distracting casting is aged vixen Joan Collins as Wilma's snooty mother, Pearl Slaghoople. Elizabeth Taylor played the role before, looking younger than Collins despite her role's later chronology. Collins still looks more vibrant than Harvey Korman, whose dotty portrayal of Wilma's father is almost too convincing. Another cost-cutting move paid off for the studio, not the audience. An astounding total of 34 writers were paid to dabble with the 1994 screenplay, unable to amuse. The same end is reached in Viva Rock Vegas with only four screenwriting salaries. On record, that is. Believing anyone else will leap to their feet claiming credit is sillier than the movie. The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas
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