Saving the Rays: how to get things started

SHELTON E-mail: Click here Archive

By GARY SHELTON

© St. Petersburg Times, published May 7, 2001

ST. PETERSBURG -- When you have the worst ship in the navy, it figures you would turn the wheel over to a guy named McHale.

After all, Ensign Pulver isn't available.

Such is the state of the Devil Rays, a franchise trying mightily to keep its head above water. The Rays are on the verge of hiring Tigers president John McHale Jr. as chief operating officer. Not much challenge for McHale here, is there? All he has to do is turn a garbage scow of a franchise into the USS Nimitz.

Well, good luck, John.

And bring a mop.

For McHale, who knows good baseball when he doesn't see it, this is going to take some work. And so, in the interest of welcoming a new neighbor, here's a little advice.

The first 10 things McHale should do if he takes the Rays' job:

1. Call the guy back who has the rights to the nickname "Sting Rays" and tell him you'll pay. For those of you who remember, this was the first bad step made by the Rays, refusing to pony up for a good monicker. Sting Rays remains light years cooler than "Devil Rays," cooler even than the simpler "Rays." Of course, if the team's current manager can turn things around, you could always change the name of the team to the Tampa Bay Devil McRaes.

2. Heal old wounds. March into Dillard's headquarters, and do so with the St. Petersburg High band playing behind you. First, you have to mend fences. Later, you can worry about all the opponents hitting balls over them.

3. Lighten up on the public-address system. Sometimes, a Rays game feels as if your ears are being assaulted by salesmen. Play more music, especially Carlos Santana. Make the games fun. And, for Pete's sake, sometimes a foul ball doesn't demand the announcer crying "Sign that fan up!" or the sound of a window breaking. That stuff was quite the hoot in, oh, 1932.

4. Take a baseball to Tampa. Show it to people. Show it won't bite them. Tell them that it's okay to actually drive across a bridge and to a game, that not everyone in New York lives within 30 minutes of Yankee Stadium, either. While you're at it, fight whomever you need to fight, but get the games televised in Sarasota. Why should those fans get off easy?

5. Bring a hammer and a saw, and see if you can turn this stadium into a convertible. Yeah, you need a roof in Florida. But there is something wrong with going inside on a day such as Sunday. If you can't put a retractable roof on the Trop, however, at least work for a way to get the stupid catwalks off the ESPN highlights. And if you can't remove the catwalks, at least find out who came up with the idea, and dangle him by the ankles from them.

6. Instead of having a third baseman, maybe you could plant a shrub there and convince umps that anything hit into it is a foul ball. Hey, it couldn't hurt.

7. Be fan friendly. I know, I know. Vince Naimoli, old Capt. Binghamton, likes to say the team has a 92 percent approval rating. But when a team draws more than a million fans, isn't 8 percent too many unhappy people? Reach out. For instance, the Rays have a promotion in which they upgrade a pair of fans seats each game. With so many empty seats, why stop at two fans? Why not move down, say, an entire section? Heck, why stop there? Why not let a couple work in the bullpen?

8. Make the team more approachable. Do you know the most popular words said by the Rays players before a game? "Not now." That's the stock answer by a player whenever a kid leans over to ask for an autograph during batting practice. But when batting practice is over, the players leave skid marks getting off the field. So why not have a 15-minute period when kids under 12 are invited to the picnic area, and 5-6 players at a time go over to sign, or to talk, for a few minutes. As for the players who just don't want to visit the fans? Let them go somewhere the heck else.

9. Get us some fun guys. Look, we all know that winning is the most important part of drawing fans. But you don't have to be dull to win games. Put it this way: Which player is the most likely to put his uniform on inside out and run the bases? Which player is most likely to make you laugh on This Week In Baseball? That's right, it's still Jose Canseco, and he has been gone for a year.

10. If you don't get your way, threaten to move the team. To the National League. I'm sure Bud Selig will get realignment done by 2087, whether owners oppose him or not.

Look, there are other chores at hand, too. The veterans. The kids. The pitching. The big contracts for small performances. The general manager. The sponsors. We'll get to those later.

This should be enough for your first week. We'll talk again.

© 2006 • All Rights Reserved • St. Petersburg Times
490 First Avenue South • St. Petersburg, FL 33701 • 727-893-8111

Contact the Times | Privacy Policy
Standard of Accuracy | Terms, Conditions & Copyright