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This year's Pullet-Surprise goes to . . .
By PAULETTE LASH RITCHIE © St. Petersburg Times, published May 10, 2001 CITRUS HILLS -- There are the Pulitzer prizes, Nobel prizes and Oscars. And there are the lesser known (really lesser known) Pullet-Surprise, No-Bell Prize and What's-Up-Doc Golden Caret awards. I became familiar with the latter awards last week at an amusing out-of-the-ordinary banquet hosted by and for Lecanto High School duel enrollment college freshman composition and literary analysis students. We had gathered at Andre's of Citrus Hills for dinner, and I met the force behind the evening's program: duel enrollment teacher Andrew Badger, known to his students as Doc Badger. Three years ago one of his students wrote an essay about all the banquets and recognitions for athletes and said she thought there should be more done for students who excel academically. Badger agreed and set about building the banquet. In its third year, there were about 200 in attendance, heavy on the under-20 crowd, including some class alumni. I soon discovered the reason for the popularity of the evening. It was funny. There were 16 awards in 11 categories distributed among the students, and the majority of them were dubious honors. The students were nominated and chosen by each other. The first award was the Phoenix Award, named after Phoenix Jackson from the story A Worn Path, who was determined to complete her tasks despite her advancing senility. It was given to a student who was determined to finish every task even if he or she "has no clue of what is going on." Matthew Andrews won that one and received an odd mixture of prizes including a wrench, a squeeze ball, a flower pot and a scary book. The next two awards were presented to Jessica Roberts and Mujiba Ansari. They each received the Whine 'n Cheez Award for "the student who produces tears with the greatest efficiency" and "produces a whine so high-pitched and shrill that it shatters glass, sets off car alarms and short-circuits Doc's hearing aids." Jessica wore a facial expression that appeared to be a mixture of "Why in the Sam Hill did they pick me?", "Well this is just great" and "This could be fun." Doc Badger looked at her and said, "There's never been a nominee for this award who understands why." After she received her cheese slicer, pile of 1999 prom napkins and miniature Scrabble game, she showed her good sportsmanship by accepting the award and complementing her teacher, well, complimenting his brain. She also said something about Mr. Potato Head, but I don't think that was a compliment. Mujiba also graciously and confusingly accepted her award of Swiss fondue, the other half of the leftover prom napkins and a book titled 714 Ways to Say It's Not My Fault. The Jones Award, from the story Taking Care, about a man named Jones who overcame his hardships, was a little more serious. It was given to the student who was most improved in freshman comp. This went to Chris Gale who received some things to help him persevere: Cliff Notes, a guide to Latin quotes, Survival Skills for the Modern Man and a bonsai tree kit. I couldn't figure that last one out. The Sammy Award was named for John Updike's story A&P. Sammy was an immature irreverent character, and the student chosen as most like him was Steve Barbieri. Among his awards were a can for him to kick, a yo-yo and a little gadget called a "wind breaker." When Steve addressed the crowd, he said, "I can't say I'm too proud of myself right now." He did remember to thank his parents, "Thank you, Mom and Dad, for letting me watch so many cartoons." The Squeaky Award comes from the story Raymond's Run, in which Squeaky is the mouthy protagonist. The award was meant for the student "who is always first to open his mouth and voice his opinion." It went to Lindsey Clouse. She now has a bag of cough drops, what appeared to be a gargoyle puppet, a noisemaker and a copy of Know It All, Become an Expert Overnight to help her strengthen her opinions. There were two Hershey's Kiss Awards given to the student from each class section "whose desperation for good grades made her kiss up to Doc with cheesy comments, smiles, compliments -- they even sank so low as to laugh at Doc's corny jokes." The master brownnosers were Elena Dao and Aileen Mango. "Wow what a great honor, the biggest butt-kisser in the class," said Elena, who managed to shoot off a compliment to her teacher as she left the stage. "By the way," she said, "you look marvelous tonight, Dr. Badger." She was presented with a big chocolate Hershey's Kiss, a bar of Godiva chocolate, Kleenex tissues and a copy of Black Beauty. (I don't know what the significance of the book was.) Aileen Mango also didn't miss the opportunity to compliment her teacher. "There's no better person on the face of the Earth to kiss up to," she said. "He's handsome, funny . . ." Her book was Jokes From the World's best Comedians and, of course, the chocolate. As he handed her the Godiva bar, Badger, well known in his classes for his love of chocolate, said, "That'll help you pass." The next few awards were given in a more serious vein to recognize students who excelled in various capacities in Badger's classes. These students each received $20 gift certificates to Top Shelf Book Store. The "Two Kinds" awards went to Amy Colasanti and Michael Gordon. It was named for Amy Tan's short story and was awarded to the students who seem "to have best caught a vision of his/her unlimited abilities." The "Pullet-Surprise" went to the students Badger thought had done the best pieces of writing: Janice Libby and Nilesh Patel. Badger choose William Eschen for the No-Bell Prize, awarded to the student who produced the best piece of writing submitted for inclusion in Academia Nuts, the class magazine. "See, Will," Badger told him, "those Hershey Kisses really paid off!" The final awards were given to four students who had "consistently shown intriguing insights and understanding of the many literary works" they studied. The What's Up Doc Golden Caret award (which included a golden carrot) went to Amanda Bobola, Naveen Reddy, Amber Camilleri and Hillary Schmidt. "This is kind of like the top prize," Badger told the students. "You're the best of the best."
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