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Gay: Is that me?
By CECILIA TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times, published May 14, 2001
Second of two parts
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The moral aspects of homosexuality really bother me. I know just about all religions are anti-gay. I go to church. I hear there are some houses of worship that don't think gay people are bad, but I don't have much information about them. I do know that a lot of people of faith would tell me I'm not a good person if I'm gay. They would say I'm sinning against God. I've heard that "homos go straight to hell."
That scares me. I think it would help me to get some other opinions about this, but I don't know where to look. I'm not sure it's safe for me to talk to my minister about this. If I seek out a minister, rabbi or priest, will he or she treat me the same way throughout my journey, no matter what the outcome? I certainly don't want to get labeled at church and in my youth group because I may be gay.
Maybe I just need to pray harder. I've heard that God can save me from this condition if I ask for deliverance. I've read the story in the Bible where Jesus drove evil spirits from a man, and the man was healed. Am I struggling with an evil spirit or did God create me just the way I am?
I know that some churches have gay teen groups, but I think I would have a problem connecting with that kind of group unless I know for sure who I am. They might be able to help me if I am gay, but what if I get tagged as "one of them" and then find out I'm not really gay after all?
I know I need to be true to myself. Am I afraid what I will learn about myself as I try to sort out all this stuff? I do know that I don't want to spend my whole life living a secret. I want to be honest with myself, but this is really a tough time in life to be faced with this overwhelming problem.
Maybe the pressures will let up as I get older. Am I fooling myself? I live in a world of judgmental people. Pressures from society are always going to be around whether they are perceived or real. I won't hide, but am I ready to be marked as gay?
I've got to face it, I am who I am. Straight or gay, I am me! Working my way through this question isn't going to be easy, and it sounds to me like I may be more scared to be gay than I thought. Being straight would make life so much easier, but if I'm not straight, can I really live my life as though I am?
I need to find some help. Is there somewhere I can go to explore these feelings I have without being marked as deviant? Will I ever know for sure? Well, I'm never going to know unless I start getting some of these questions answered. Nothing is going to happen unless I start asking. Gay . . . is that me?
Author's note: Thank you to the many contributors to this article, both gay and straight. For more information, check with your high school to see if it has such groups as Gay/Straight Alliance or Straight/Gay Alliance ; or contact Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, which provides support and education (local e-mail: pflag@tampabay.rr.com; or call Jane Boles (813) 835-7725 of the Tampa Chapter of PFLAG; national Web site is www.pflag.com); or True Expressions (www.trueexpressions.org), a support group for young people which meets weekly in Pinellas Park.
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IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.
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