Can't wait for summer

It's the official start of the season of sequels, cartoons, remakes and downright goofy concepts, when Hollywood saves the Earth and its bottom line.

By STEVE PERSALL, Times Film Critic

© St. Petersburg Times, published May 26, 2000

[Photo: Paramount.] Who’s this cat? Samuel L. Jackson won’t cop out when danger is all about in Shaft.

After the notion of a summer movie season began on June 20, 1975, with Jaws, the starting date subsequently settled into Memorial Day weekend. Why waste a perfectly good national holiday when more tickets can be sold?

As Yul Brynner decreed in The Ten Commandments: "So let it be written; so let it be done."

But, Hollywood doesn't do it that way anymore. Potential blockbusters formerly saved for summertime are sneaking into spring.

The Mummy was unwrapped on May 7 last year, a new record for eagerness until Gladiator beat it to the punch by two days this month. Is Groundhog Day safe for long?

Make it clear: Summer at the movies doesn't start until today. Maximus and Disney's dinosaurs will just have to live with that.

Summertime 2000 has the usual assortment of sequels, remakes and vanity projects. What it doesn't have is fireworks from Will Smith on Fourth of July weekend. Animation is big, explosions are bigger, and tasteless comedy may be the biggest draw of all.

Here is a sneak peek at summertime's best entertainment with air conditioning. Release dates may change, but the official start of this movie season never should.

Opening this week

Mission: Impossible 2 - The shorthand title is M:I2, but for serious film fans, this sequel's appeal is summed up by three letters: W-O-O. The best action-movie director alive, John Woo brings his delirious brand of violence to the franchise. Just not as much as fans expect. Tom Cruise returns as agent Ethan Hunt, trailing a deadly virus. C+

Shanghai Noon - Jackie Chan goes wild, wild, west. The daredevil plays a 19th-century warrior sent to America to rescue a princess (Lucy Liu). He teams with a train robber (Owen Wilson) for slap-happy cowboy stuff. Entertainment Weekly pegged it perfectly: Butch Cassidy and the Karate Kid.

June 2

Big Momma's House - Okay, whose turn is it to dress in drag for cheap laughs? Sit down, Robin, you had your turn. Just wait two months, Eddie. Give Martin Lawrence a chance. His health and career improved after a 1999 coma. Blue Streak wasn't bad. Make him an FBI agent impersonating a plump grandma to crack a case. Could be funny.

Photo: Touchstone Auto-erotica: Angelina Jolie and Nicolas Cage find paradise by the tail-lights in Gone in Sixty Seconds.

June 9

Gone in Sixty Seconds - The original 1974 film was part of a Vanishing (Point) breed, movies that existed only to demolish cars. Now there's a remake with Oscar winners Nicolas Cage, Angelina Jolie and Robert Duvall. Isn't pop culture great? Cage plays a master auto thief stealing 60 cars in one night to pay off a debt. Buckle up.

June 16

Shaft - Who's the black private, um, eye, who's a sex machine to all the chicks? Well, that's still Richard Roundtree as John Shaft in a cameo role. His nephew, also named John Shaft (Samuel L. Jackson), carries on the family tradition of busting crooks and giving it back to The Man. Nobody plays b-a-a-d better than Jackson.

[ 20th Century Fox] World with end: Earth is destroyed and humans are prey in the animated adventure Titan A.E.

Titan A.E. - Animation is hot and outer space never goes out of style. Don Bluth combines both into a post-apocalypse adventure with the voices of Matt Damon, Drew Barrymore, Bill Pullman and Nathan Lane. The previews are fine eye candy, the hunted-humans plot is promising.

Fantasia 2000 - It won't be IMAX dimensions, but it'll do. Disney releases its updated animated tribute to classical music to regular old multiplexes, and it is a treat. Six new numbers are included and The Sorcerer's Apprentice is reprised from the 1940 original.

Boys and Girls - Freddie Prinze Jr. and Claire Forlani are two attractive young actors of the day, so this has potential. They play lifelong friends whose relationship is strained after having sex together for the first time. Sex with consequences? What is Hollywood thinking?

[Photo: 20th Century Fox] Psycho cop: Jim Carrey has two personalities and one crazy script in Me, Myself & Irene.

June 23

Me, Myself and Irene - The closest thing to a guarantee of fun you'll find all summer. Jim Carrey gets goofy again, playing a state trooper with dual personalities, one meek, the other psychotic. Both fall in love with Renee Zellweger. Spawned by the Farrelly brothers (There's Something About Mary, Dumb and Dumber). Carrey's first R-rated comedy, so watch out.

Chicken Run - Nick Park won Oscars for three short animated films, two starring his popular Wallace and Gromit characters. He gets a feature-length shot for DreamWorks with clay-animated doomed chickens flying the coop. Mel Gibson lends his voice to Rocky the Rooster, leading the revolt. The tagline is great: "Escape or Die Frying."

[Pphoto: Dreamworks Escape hatched: Mr. and Mrs. Tweedy count chickens before they fly to freedom in the animated comedy, Chicken Run.

June 28

The Patriot - Mel Gibson isn't chicken in this one. More like Braveheart with his face painted red, white and blue. Gibson cashed a $25-million paycheck to play a French and Indian War veteran staying neutral during the American Revolution. British troops destroy his farm and his family. Bad mistake.

June 30

The Perfect Storm - Some movies can be sold on a single image. This one has a beauty, an immense tidal wave dwarfing a fishing boat caught in a meteorological disaster. Two of Three Kings, George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg, are aboard. Based on a true story and popular book, but everybody knew Titanic would sink, too.

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle -- Hey, Rocky, watch Universal pull a movie out of its hat. (Again?) Presto! The cartoon pals get the Roger Rabbit treatment, interacting with Jason Alexander as Boris Badenov, Rene Russo as Natasha Fatale and Robert De Niro as Fearless Leader. First the Flintstones, now this. No doubt about it, they gotta get another hat.

[Photo: Walt Disney Pictures Flashback: The Kid features Bruce Willis as a workaholic magically counseled by his younger self (Spencer Breslin).

July 7

The Kid - Bruce Willis sees little people. He plays a corporate jerk whose childhood self comes back to haunt him. Haley Joel Osment, perhaps? No, a newcomer named Spencer Breslin. Looks like A Christmas Carol for all seasons, as Willis learns valuable human lessons from his past.

Scary Movie - Shaky idea. The Scream series already pointed out the goofiness of slasher flicks and their fans. All laughs except the obvious ones are taken. Keenen Ivory Wayans gives it a try, making a spoof of a spoof. Scary Movie was the original title for Scream. Coincidence? Or a clue?

July 14

X-Men - Possibly the most anticipated summer-assault. Director Bryan Singer (The Usual Suspects) brings the best-selling comic book heroes of all time to the big screen. He has the mind to make it something special. Patrick Stewart plays Professor X, leading good mutants against bad ones to protect humans who don't trust either.

Numbers - John Travolta plays a TV weatherman rigging a state lottery. Director Nora Ephron (Sleepless in Seattle) attracted a fine cast: Lisa Kudrow, Bill Pullman and Tim Roth among them. Maybe this will make people forget Battlefield Earth.

July 21

What Lies Beneath - Harrison Ford's sixth sense tells him to hop on the supernatural bandwagon, especially after Random Hearts and Six Days, Seven Nights tanked. He portrays a college professor whose wife (Michelle Pfeiffer) is having visions of a murder victim. They dig into the case, guided by Oscar-winning director Robert Zemeckis (Forrest Gump).

Loser - With a title like that, it had better be good. Jason Biggs, the guy who, um, dated pastry in American Pie plays a geeky student falling in love with the class hottie (Mena Suvari, American Beauty).

Pokemon: The Movie 2000 - Yes, again.

July 26

Thomas and the Magic Railroad - The popular children's books and TV shows reach the big screen. Alec Baldwin takes one for the kids as Mr. Conductor and Peter Fonda should make a suitably laid-back Grandpa Burnett Stone.

July 28

[Photo:Universal Studios ] Phat comedy: Eddie Murphy mixes up trouble in The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps.

The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps -- Eddie Murphy returns as portly professor Sherman Klump, who is having bad flashbacks of his silky alter ego, Buddy Love. To the rescue comes the Klump clan, all played by Murphy in layers of makeup. Big folks. Big box office.

The Hollow Man - How many actors would take a live-action role in which they won't be seen? Didn't bother Kevin Bacon, who separates himself from all degrees of visibility as a medical experiment. Elisabeth Shue co-stars as a scientist who sees right through him.

I Was Made to Love Her - Chris Rock does a twist on Warren Beatty's Heaven Can Wait, which was a twist on Here Comes Mr. Jordan. He plays a failing comic killed by a bus and revived in the body of a white millionaire.

Photo: DreamWorks] Fresh caddie: Will Smith teaches Matt Damon golf and self-respect in The Legend of Bagger Vance.

Aug. 4

The Legend of Bagger Vance - You didn't think we could sneak out of summer without Will Smith, did you? He plays a mystical caddie teaching the perfect golf swing and the meaning of life to a World War II veteran (Matt Damon). Directed by Robert Redford, so expect a classy production.

Space Cowboys -- Earth is threatened by a leftover satellite from the Cold War. Faster than you can say Armageddon, NASA sends aging rocketeers Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones and James Garner to defuse the situation and save the planet. And John Glenn thought he had a tough assignment.

Coyote Ugly - The title isn't just an insult, it's the name of a trendy Manhattan bar where sexy women exert "girl power" over the clientele. How sexy? For starters, there's supermodel Tyra Banks and Maria Bello (Payback). Co-written by Dogma wit Kevin Smith.

Aug. 11

Bedazzled - Brendan Fraser plays a tech-support nerd selling his soul to the devil (Elizabeth Hurley) for seven wishes. It's a remake of a very funny 1967 British comedy starring Dudley Moore and Peter Cook.

Impostor - Science-fiction thriller with Gary Sinise as an engineer who creates a weapon against aliens, then is suspected of being alien himself. Vincent D'Onofrio plays his Kafkaesque persecutor.

Bait - An ex-con (Jamie Foxx, Any Given Sunday) is used by police to lure a criminal out of hiding. It's billed as an action-comedy.

Godzilla 2000 - Relax, Japan regained possession of our favorite monster after Godzilla (1998) proved size doesn't matter. Expect those cheesy sets and dubbed dialogue we know and love.

Aug. 18

The Cell -- Jennifer Lopez's skimpy outfit at the Grammys may have been a preview of her role in this kinky thriller. She plays a psychotherapist crawling inside the mind of a comatose serial killer (Being Ted Bundy?), and he has wicked thoughts about her.

August 25

The Crew - Richard Dreyfuss and Burt Reynolds co-star as grumpy old crime bosses trying to keep young whippersnappers from crashing their South Beach privacy.

The Replacements -- Inspired by the 1987 NFL players strike, this movie casts Gene Hackman as a coach hiring scab athletes including a washed-up quarterback (Keanu Reeves). Suddenly, Trent Dilfer doesn't look so bad.

Texas Rangers - TV hunks James Van Der Beek (Dawson's Creek) and Dylan McDermott (The Practice) dress up as cowboys for this leather-slapping tribute to Western justice.

The Way of the Gun - Kidnappers collide with the Mob with ultra-violent results. James Caan, Juliette Lewis, Taye Diggs and Benicio Del Toro co-star. Written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie (X-Men), who won an original screenplay Oscar for The Usual Suspects.

Keep an eye open for...

Ethan Hawke as a white-collar Hamlet; Sean Penn finding aristocratic love Up at the Villa; Demi Moore's Passion of Mind; the Sundance rave-fave Groove; Kenneth Branagh mixing Shakespeare and song-and-dance in Love's Labour's Lost; the documentaries American Pimp and The Eyes of Tammy Faye (Bakker); film festival winners Girlfight and Chuck and Buck; Ralph Fiennes in Sunshine; John Waters' exquisitely titled Cecil B. Demented; a director's cut of the Coen brothers' debut thriller Blood Simple; the Abbie Hoffman biography Steal This Movie!; and The Tao of Steve, as in McQueen, McGarrett and every other cool Steve.