Summer plans: worthwhile or wasted?

By CECILIA TUCKER

© St. Petersburg Times, published May 28, 2001

Summer fun is almost here. I want to play and then play some more. I have been waiting for the school year to end almost since it began nine months ago. I am finishing my stint at school this year, and then it will be my turn to have time for just me. I hate it when adults ask me how I plan to spend my summer. I feel they are implying that I shouldn't just hang out. It seems to me that adults are sometimes jealous that I get the summer off and they still have to work. I want to remind them I have only a few more summers left to play and then I will be like them. That's a scary thought.

I think my idea for summer fun is very worthwhile, but the grown-ups in my life keep telling me not to waste my time. Are we that far apart in our views about how time is spent that they are going to ruin my summer? I need a break from my usual rigorous schedule during the school year. I don't need to feel guilty because I plan to have some fun, sleep in as late as I can, hang out with my friends and work enough to pay for the things I've committed to pay for. I want to tell them to back off and let me be without the lectures and the nagging.

I think wasting time is doing nothing all summer. Trust me, I have lots of things planned. I think my time will be wasted if I work long hours and never have time to relax and enjoy myself. I think my time will be wasted if I have to spend hours listening to grown-ups be unhappy with me because I haven't spent my summer the way they wanted me to. I think my summer will be wasted if I get to the end of the break resenting them for making me grow up and feel miserable like most grown-ups.

Please listen to me. I will work. I will do the things around the house I'm asked to do. I will help out with the cooking and the errands when I can. I will volunteer to be a part of the family times we have scheduled. I will not sleep in all day and party all night. Trust me, I will respect that others in the house have to go to work the next day, so I will come in on time and quietly.

The way I see it, my summer will be worthwhile if I get what I want and they get what they want. Can we make a deal? Can I convince them that it is okay for me to have fun as well as work? What will it take for us to agree on my goals for this summer? How can I get them to be excited for me because I have the summer off? I'd never ruin their vacation time by telling them they don't deserve time off to play!

Who gets to decide what is wasted time and what is worthwhile time? If they let me know, without nagging, what is expected from me this summer, I promise I will try to fulfill those expectations. I do need the same respect, though, so I can have some freedom and fun without feeling guilty.

My summer will be worthwhile if we can agree on a balance between work and play. In the end, I think learning how to balance now will benefit me later. One of my observations about growing up is that adults work most of the time and have very little fun. I don't want my life to end up that way, or I may resent my kids having summers off, too.

IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.

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