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Not like father and son, but close
By MARY ANN KOSLASKY
© St. Petersburg Times, SUGARMILL WOODS -- Sometimes it takes more than a biological family to guide a boy to manhood. Sometimes that help comes from of a compassionate stranger who becomes a friend and mentor. Dave Deso, a volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Citrus County, stepped into Tyler Walker's life 18 months ago when Tyler, then in eighth grade, was in danger of failing the year. "We went to work on his study habits," said Deso, 60. "We pulled him through, built his confidence and self-esteem." And Tyler passed. Like many teens, Tyler's self-esteem is vulnerable, and that vulnerability is a big part of what Deso has to deal with. "It's like a tire with a hole in it," said Deso. "You pump it up and sit back. After a while it goes down and you have to pump it up again." Tyler, now 15, and Deso were the first match made by the newly organized Citrus County chapter of Big Brother Big Sisters. For Deso, taking Tyler under his wing was akin to having another son around. The father of three adult sons, one of whom died of colon cancer at 33, Deso acknowledges that "I've been there. I've been through the teen years. Maybe I can better see where (Tyler) is going." Given their difference in years, Tyler is more like a son to Deso than a little brother. And the rest of the family has warmed to the newcomer. "It's like he's part of my family," said Deso. "My grandkids e-mail me, and they always ask "How's Tyler doing?' They are accepting him as part of our family ..., and Tyler often asks about them." Deso emphasized that he isn't trying to replace Tyler's father, only trying to give him the quality one-on-one time a busy family often lacks. "Like most families today, his parents are very busy," he said. Originally, Deso was mentoring Tyler for one hour a week in school. But he liked the potential he saw in the quiet young man and asked to become more than just a school mentor. After a background check and additional training, Deso was certified to work more intensively with the teen. The pair finds Deso's retired status a benefit, allowing them time to work together on school and outside projects. And for Deso, it allows time for simply sitting and listening to Tyler. "It's nice for Tyler to have someone who can give him time just for himself. I like working one-on-one with him," he said. Walker's mother, Susie Giacopello, has seen a change in her son since Deso entered the family's circle. "Tyler keeps a lot inside, which I'm just starting to find out," said Giacopello. "After a full year with Dave, he has started learning to communicate. Just by Dave working side-by-side with him has helped him so much." Deso, who retired in 1999 from Classic Air in Fort Lauderdale before moving to Citrus County, gave Tyler an unusual opportunity last summer. "I went back to lend a hand at Classic Air," explained Deso. "And I asked Tyler if he would be interested in going." After obtaining permission from everyone involved, the threesome, which included Deso's wife, Nancy, headed south to a rented a condo near the rest of Deso's family who still reside in the area. During the three weeks they visited Fort Lauderdale, Deso immersed Walker into both family life and the workday world. They woke up between 5:30 and 6 a.m., prepared their lunches, set up a cooler for their sandwiches and soft drinks and set out to work. "We were always on the job by 7:30 a.m.," said Deso. "It opened his eyes ... getting up for work on his own, getting to work on time, taking lunch break and then having to go back to work, even when you're all hot and sweaty." Because of his age, Tyler was limited in what work he could do, but he did work and get paid for his efforts. "I wanted to teach him the economics of working, that if you work hard you will get something back," Deso said. It is a lesson that Deso hopes spills into other areas of Tyler's life. For instance, Big Brothers Big Sisters offers a $1,500 scholarship to the young people who participate and stay with the program, avoiding alcohol and drugs and maintaining good grades. But the summer wasn't all work. In the evenings, the surrogate family would go out, often going to family functions with Deso's children and grandchildren. "He fit in well," said Deso. "It was pretty neat," said Tyler. "It wasn't like I expected it to be." He said he especially enjoyed watching the "flashy cars and the girls." Tyler acknowledges that he enjoys the relationship with Deso. "We get along pretty well," he said. "He's interested in the things I am, like bowling and golfing and baseball." Tyler is interested in most sports and is an avid baseball player with 11 years' experience. Deso often attends games when Tyler is playing, even being joined by visiting family members. They frequently meet with Tyler's mother and stepfather, "who knows everything about sports," Tyler said. So what is Deso getting from this adventure into semi-parenting? "I'm gaining a great sense of satisfaction," he said. "When Tyler does something and learns by it, it's great ... and I'm learning a lot from him." And how does Tyler feel? "Like I've accomplished something," said the young man of few words.
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