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Every July 1, a family celebrates gift of life
By WAVENEY ANN MOORE
© St. Petersburg Times, ST. PETERSBURG -- The corner house with pink and lilac balloons, streamers and a small sign reading "8 Years Cancer Free" caused more than a few drivers to take mental pause as they sped along 22nd Avenue N last Sunday. "We've only lived in this house two years. In the other house, people knew us and they would honk their horns," said Phyllis Wagner, who used to live in Shore Acres. The decorations have become a tradition each year on July 1, since Mrs. Wagner's successful surgery to remove a cancerous lump from her breast. As the grandmother of five remembers it, the custom of decorating the home she shares with her husband, Robert, was begun by her older daughter, Nancy Parsons. When she moved to Georgia, Mrs. Wagner's younger daughter, Stacie Gallagher, continued the tradition. "My sister and I just wanted to make it a special day for her," Mrs. Parsons said during a telephone interview from her home outside Atlanta. Her mother's illness was difficult for the family, she said. "It scared us," Mrs. Parsons said. "She took it very well. She was strong through it." Mrs. Wagner, who also has a son, David, said her battle with cancer tested her faith and forced her to confront long-held fears of the disease. "I don't know why, but for years, I had always prayed, 'God, please don't let me get cancer.' I pestered him to death. When the pain hit me in my breast, of course, it scared me and I prayed that it would go away and it didn't," Mrs. Wagner said. "When the doctor told me he wanted to remove the lump, I was just hysterical in his office. I told him, 'I won't do this. I can't do this.' '"I said, 'That is the one thing I prayed and asked you not to let me have, cancer.' She said the diagnosis could not have come at a worse time. Her father had died of pancreatic cancer a few months earlier and she recently had settled into a counseling job with Operation PAR, after graduating from St. Petersburg Junior College. Anger eventually gave way to determination to fight the disease. "I was able to work through my radiation. I worked through four months of the chemotherapy. Some days, it was a struggle. ... In the fifth month, I begged the doctor to let me stop the chemotherapy," said Mrs. Wagner. But the treatment continued. Mrs. Wagner, who lost her hair during her illness, bought a wig and sewed turbans for herself and other patients. She also pieced scraps of leftover material from the turbans into what she would call her "survivor quilt." God "allowed" her to get cancer for a reason, Mrs. Wagner said last week. "He allowed me to have it because there was something he wanted to teach me. He wanted to teach me to have more patience. To trust him more. And he also wanted other people to see Jesus in me," she said. Her faith helped her to lead one of her co-workers to God, Mrs. Wagner added. Despite her faith and family support, the months of recovery were difficult, she said. "That was a very, very lonely time for me. Friends and family are afraid to mention (cancer), to talk about it. It makes them feel vulnerable. I know that in the past, people were so afraid of cancer, but modern technology can do so much, especially if the cancer is found early. And to a person who is expected to recover, it's like treating them like they're contagious. It just makes you feel almost like you're a leper," Mrs. Wagner said. "I would encourage people, if they have a friend or a loved one who is diagnosed with cancer, call them, visit them, send them cards. ... I would have welcomed someone to just come and talk to me for a while." Mrs. Wagner, who also advocates regular breast self-examinations and mammograms, said she is grateful for each year's cancer-free check-up. "Every time I go to have my check-up, that feeling is there. There's no guarantee," she said. But Dr. Jeffrey Paonessa, an oncologist and Mrs. Wagner's physician, said: "There has been significant progress just in the last few years regarding breast cancer. There was an announcement just a few months ago saying that for the first time in 10 years, the mortality rate has been reduced despite the fact that the number of patients with breast cancer has actually increased. That is due primarily to a combination of early detection and more effective therapy." Mrs. Wagner, who turned 62 on Friday, said her birthday is no longer important. "I've told my family that I don't care about my birthday anymore. July 1 is important to me," she said. "A lot of women don't want people to know that they've had breast cancer. I want everybody to know that cancer is not a death sentence." - Times researcher Kitty Bennett contributed to this article.
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From the Times South Pinellas desks Special: Bumper to Bumper |
