Veterans offer tips on survival

The Adamitas, parents of quadruplets, know a bit about what the Somoanos, parents of quintuplets, will soon be facing.

By CARY DAVIS

© St. Petersburg Times, published July 9, 2000

NEW PORT RICHEY -- Last month, Jack and Kathy Somoano drove their newborn sons from Tampa General Hospital to their home in Wesley Chapel and found themselves instantly immersed in the nitty-gritty of parenthood.

[Times photo: Dan McDuffie] Jack Somoano feeds his newborn son, Cody, at Tampa General Hospital in June.

"They poop all the time," Jack Somoano said of his sons, Evan and Dante. "Sometimes they poop right after we change their diapers."

Veteran parents can relate, but only to a point. Few of them have experienced what the Somoanos are about to, because Dante and Evan are not twins. They're part of a set of quintuplets. For the Somoanos, the nitty-gritty will be multiplied by five.

One parent who can relate to that is Mary Jo Adamita of New Port Richey, mother of quadruplets born in 1996.

The Times, which chronicled the birth of her children and their first few years, asked Mrs. Adamita what sort of advice she would give the Somoanos.

With nearly four years experience raising Domenico, Salvatore Jr., Joseph and Samuele, Mrs. Adamita says it never gets any easier, only different. Early on, the focus is all diapers and food. Later, food is still an issue, but diapers are replaced with potty training, talking and, when the toddlers learn to walk, making sure you don't lose track of anyone.

"Things can get overwhelming," Mrs. Adamita said, talking over four toddlers vying for her attention. "But we wouldn't have it any other way. I mean, are you kidding? This is wonderful."

Easing into a routine

After their first week raising two babies at home, Jack Somoano said he and his wife are easing nicely into parenthood. Sure, there's little time for sleep, what with having to feed Evan and Dante eight times a day, but that was expected.

For now, they have developed a routine that works. Kathy goes to the hospital every day to check on the other three quints -- Cody, Brianna and Alyssa -- while Jack stays home with Evan and Dante. Kathy sleeps, sort of, from 9 p.m. to 4 a.m. while Jack stays up with the babies. When she gets up, Jack goes to bed.

"At times, it's been a little stressful," Jack said. "You don't want to take your eye off them."

Soon, life will get even more frenetic for the family. Cody and Brianna are expected to come home in a week or so. And by the end of the month, Alyssa should be home, too, bringing an end to the family's hospital days and thrusting the Somoanos into a life that Mary Jo Adamita and her husband, Salvatore, know well.

It's hard work, exhausting and often frustrating, Mrs. Adamita said, but her family is proof that it can be done.

"We did it," she said. "We survived."

And the rewards, she said, far outweigh the sacrifices.

"For every headache, there's 10 great things," she said.

Helpful hints

The Somoano quintuplets were delivered April 25, 12 weeks premature, by Caesarian section. All five appear healthy and are now growing rapidly, though Alyssa still weighs less than 3 pounds.

The quints are the Somoanos first children.

As the babies continue to grow, the changes will happen more frequently, making life even more complicated for their parents, Mrs. Adamita said.

Drawing from the wisdom she has gained raising quads, Mrs. Adamita offered the Somoanos these helpful hints:

Put locks on all your doors. There will be times when you can't keep an eye on all the babies at once, especially when they figure out how to climb out of their cribs. Locks, she said, give parents piece of mind.

"It was cute when they started climbing out of their cribs," she said. "Then it was a nightmare."

Mrs. Adamita learned her lesson the hard way. One day, when she went to the bathroom, little Sal wandered out of the house. Neighbors found the boy walking down the street.

Collect coupons, even from your neighbors, family and friends. "I don't buy anything unless I've got coupons or there's a big sale," she said.

Money seems to keep getting tighter as her children grow, and it's important, she said, to save wherever you can.

"Our dream of paying off our mortgage early? That's dead," she said.

Along those lines, look for ways to use the children to make money.

Three of the Adamita quads are working as models for photo shoots. Recently the family traveled to Disney World in Orlando to do a shoot for the Beach Club Resort.

"A lot of people will call this abuse," Adamita said unapologetically. "But my children will appreciate this when they can pick what college they want to go to."

When you take the whole family out, call ahead.

"If we're going to a restaurant," she said, "I call them to let them know we're coming, and to make sure they have enough high chairs."

Don't worry about the inside of your house, because it's going to get messy.

"As long as it's clean, that's all that matters," she said. "Kids are going to leave toys all over the house, but you can't discourage them from using them. They need toys for their development, especially since you can't always be one-on-one with each baby."

Remember that each child is different.

"People seem to think of multiples as a group," she said. "But they're not. They're individuals."

For example, Sam and Joe are identical twins, but they're complete opposites, she said. Sam is more of an intellectual and book lover, while Joe has a mechanical mind. Dom, she said, is the bully of the brood. And Sal Jr. is a "momma's boy."

Since birth, Sal Jr.'s development has lagged behind his brothers'. His parents always knew his hyperactivity was slowing his progression, but only recently did they learn that it was a breathing problem that caused the fidgeting and prevented him from getting a good night's rest.

Sal Jr. had his adenoids and tonsils removed this year, and now he's catching up with his brothers, his parents said.

And finally, relax and maintain a positive attitude, because there are going to be setbacks.

"Just go with the flow," Mrs. Adamita said. "You set goals and priorities and then all of a sudden things change. You can't get hung up when things don't go like you planned."

Often, she said, it's the little things that keep you going.

"This one," she said, pointing to Sal Jr., "just learned to say, "I love you.' It brings tears to your eyes. The really simple things make you the happiest."

Time-saving strategies

Kathy Somoano said she and Jack are already getting used to their new lives. They have no regrets, she said, about leaving behind their impulsive lifestyle that once allowed them to go out to eat whenever they wanted.

"You don't even realize you're giving anything up," she said. "This is a blessing."

But, Mrs. Adamita said, there will probably be moments when the Somoanos yearn for the old days.

"It takes a marriage and turns it into a partnership," Mrs. Adamita said. "We run a day care center here. We haven't been out, just the two of us, but maybe 10 times since the boys were born."

She added: "Sometimes I wonder, "Who am I?' My whole life is my kids. When you talk to someone, they just want to know about the quads."

Jack Somoano said it's hard for him to imagine what the future holds. Things might get tough, he knows that.

"I don't think we know how bad it's going to get financially," he said. "Somehow it'll all work out. We've gotten this far."

But he said he and and his wife will adapt.

"I'm learning to become a multitasker," he said. "I can hold a baby in one hand and talk on the phone or do something else with the other."

Already, time-saving strategies are beginning to emerge. For example, Jack and Kathy have begun stockpiling bottles of baby formula so they won't have to make them up every time they feed Evan and Dante.

Jack said he wouldn't trade his lack of sleep for anything in the world.

"You don't ever think about the hours going by because you're just looking at them and smiling."

To help

Anyone interested in donating diapers or anything else to the Somoanos can send items to: Internet Extreme Inc., P.O. Box 5450, Wesley Chapel, FL 33543-9242. You can also call Jack Somoano at (813) 417-1041, or send the family an e-mail by logging onto www.5miracles.com.

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