Make me feel special

By Cecilia Tucker

© St. Petersburg Times, published July 10, 2000

I am wondering what has happened to the belief that I had long ago: I believed that my parents thought I was the most important gift they had ever received. I loved to hear those stories about how proud they were when I was born and how they had to show me off to everyone. I remember knowing that they would make every special occasion extra special because that's the way they felt about me.

I recall lots of holidays where I was told to stay out of the closet and the spare bedroom because my parents had taken time to select a special gift for me. I knew not to snoop, even though many times I did. It seems that when I found that special present, I was always disappointed with myself because I had ruined it for me and for them. I knew I could pretend not to know, but on the day of the surprise, it just wasn't the same. I had taken away the surprise by snooping.

Christmas is long gone, but my feelings about what has happened over the past several holidays linger. I feel sad and extremely disappointed. I am not complaining because I don't get gifts anymore. I am sad and disappointed because the special way I used to feel is gone. Is it because I don't believe in the magic of holidays? Is it because it is time for me to accept that special occasions are for kids only? Or is this just a part of growing up? Could it be that something else is bothering me? I have asked myself if I am expecting too much from my parents and grandparents. I have even told myself that I need to grow up and realize holidays won't be as fun anymore. But does it have to be this way? What is this "something special" that is missing?

I miss not having that special surprise under the tree and something unexpected on other holidays. I'm tired of getting money and being told, "We didn't know what to get you, so we knew you'd like money." Yeah, what teenager would honestly complain about getting money for a gift? Or how about, "You can go buy whatever you'd like and it will be on sale after the holiday. This way you are able to buy more stuff for the same amount of money." That's a great line, but it lacks that "personal touch." That's what's missing now. It is the personal time and attentiveness that my parents and relatives used to spend in finding that one special gift just for me.

So am I just being childish by wishing for times that are in my past, or do I have a legitimate complaint? I still like to give gifts that are surprises to other people, so what is so wrong in my admitting that I'd still like surprises for special occasions? Do I need to tell someone how I feel about surprises being taken away, or will they figure it out on their own?

I like money, but don't forget to make me feel special with a surprise now and then, too. That will remind me again and again that you do know what I like and you do have time to go and select something just for me! Can you just help me feel special forever? That's what I guess I thought parents would always do for me.

IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.

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