Floridian: The boot camp poets

The boot camp poets

Huepenbecker teaches English at Pinellas County Boot Camp and Transition in Largo. His students are boys ages 14 to 18 who are serving eight-month sentences for felonies, many involving drugs and violence.

Often the students come from troubled backgrounds. They have parents in prison, parents on drugs, sometimes no parents at all. Most read and write far below their grade level.

To develop their writing, Huepenbecker encourages them to tell their own stories.

"I really want them to take a dead-honest look at their autobiographies," he says.

Recently, the students published a booklet of their poetry, Parade Deck Whispers and Screams. Selections appear here. We are printing only the authors' first names and last initials; the juvenile justice system will not release their last names because they are minors.

The poets are being released from lockup this month.
-- MIKE WILSON, Floridian Editor

To Be Heard
By Brian J.

Sometimes I think no one has heard
a word I said.
It's normal though.
The only ones that understand my language
are kids like me.
But they hate me too.
I have many enemies and I don't know why.
And people wonder why I broke the law
and got high.
When someone looks at me
I feel as if I'm going to die.
Because I can't communicate with anyone
because no one is like me.
If I could be understood
I would ask all the things I've pondered.
But I can't and I'm left in my jail cell to wonder.
I would feel alive if I could talk to someone
without them turning on me.
Did I say something wrong?
I'm only 14 and no one has taught me.
I just need someone to understand.
But, no matter how hard I try they can't.
So, sometimes I wonder if anyone has heard
a single word that I said.

What's to Come
By Daniel W.

Every day
I sit and think
about what's to come
tomorrow, but later on
I'll get a drink
and forget my
sorrows. I'll use
the head,
and go
to bed,
and
dream with
open arms,
of perfect
things,
and a
pair of
wings,
I'll wish
for a
better to-
morrow

Wonder
By Anthony C.

As I sit here and wonder what could have been,
As I look back my life was one big sin.

Lying and stealing to get what I want,
now I realize my life was a front.

Not knowing how to say no to anything that came my way,
"You'll never amount to anything'' is what they used to say.

Whenever I was on drugs I never gave any love,
I never asked for help from the good Lord above.

When I got into trouble, I blamed it on everybody but me,
And never stopped to think that wasn't the key.

I broke my mom's heart so many times,
disrespecting her and making her pay for my fines.

I would say sorry to her at her expense
When I would be honest was always a suspense,

Now I cry again and again,
As I sit here and wonder what could have been.

Sky
By Glenn M.

Today when I looked up,
to the sky,
I thought for a minute,
I was going to cry.

It was such a beautiful display,
Though it signaled the close,
of a terrible day.

What a shame it came to end,
at such a wonderful time,
I say to myself,
that should be a crime.

As the pink and purple,
all intertwine,
I thought from the Lord,
this must be a sign.

If it was,
I hope it was good,
But no matter what,
it was where I stood.

First Gun
By Jose S.

I remember the day I got my first gun,
We went to the block to have some fun,
We shot at some things, some bottles and cans,
One hour later we had cuffs on our hands,
I can hardly remember, it happened so fast,
I was lying face down almost kissing the grass,
There was a lot of commotion, I could hardly hear,
For some reason I was filled with fear,
When they stood me up I was shaking in my shoes,
For one reason or another I knew I broke the rules,
A person in the crowd pointed and said "this is the one.''
Then it finally hit me it was because of the gun,
She must of have seen when we were having fun,
All she kept saying was "God why did it have to be my son.''
I didn't understand what she was saying,
I knew for a fact it didn't have to do with us playing
They put me in a car and said we'll be right back.
As I sat alone I started to think and backtrack
I remember handing the pistol to one of my homies,
For some reason I knew that he was a phony,
Come to find out he was shooting at some cars,
But every time he missed he was shooting in some yards,
He shot a kid that was riding his bike,
I pictured my brother that's what I didn't like,
But why do they say I'm the one to blame?
I don't understand, and I'm really getting mad,
Why didn't he face the responsibility instead of leaving me with his tab,
I took it to trial but I lost the case,
I still remember that kid's family and the expressions on their face,
I'll never put myself in that situation again,
And now I know that I have no true friends,
I remember the day when I got my first gun,
It all started when we went to have fun.

Loving Aunt
By Gregory L.

I look at the sky so blue and think about how I miss you
And sit and think about how much we used to do

I also remember when you were sick, how I had to help you try to get throug

But now that you're dead and gone I think about how much a part of me is really gone.

Pushed Until Too Far
By Glenn M.

Happy days,
never seem to come.
You always are under,
somebody's thumb.

People tell you to do things,
because they say so.
But really inside,
you want to say no.

You let people push you,
all the way through life.
Until you get to a point,
where you pick up a knife.

You're no longer able,
to keep your head afloat.
So you finally get the nerve,
to put the knife to your throat.

You feel a sharp pain and a trickle of blood.
Your feelings are all gone you've been hit by a flood.

Your life is now over,
and you are done.
You had a lot to do,
and never had fun.

Better Than Ever
By Nicholas M.

When you were young I used to hold you,
I heard your first heartbeat,
I saw your eyes blink,
They were shiny, just like gold,
I used to sing you songs,
You made me believe.
If I could only see you now,
That would make this life better than ever.

Eternal Thug
By Marshall W.

At the age of 15,
I started my life of crime,
I always thought I'd never get caught,
Or be serving time

I hung out with thugs,
I got on the grind,
When a crackhead walked by,
I would always make him mine,

When I see the police,
I would always run,
I went from selling crack,
to carrying a gun.

Hanging on the corner,
waiting for some crackheads,
Some sirens came from nowhere,
and the crowd started to spread.

I looked all around me,
not knowing where to run,
When the police came closer,
they pulled out their guns

Without turning back,
the pursuit had begun
At the end of the chase,
I wasn't having fun.

As I sit in the cruiser,
I sit all alone,
The cuffs tight on my hands,
my eyes left to roam.

Living the fast lane,
I'm now heading for Jail,
I stayed on the corner,
now my home is a cell.

Where Does It Start?
By David A.

All my life I've had pain in my heart.
All my life I've asked how did it start.

The darkness and evil has led me away.
God, please let me come back I say.

All of my life I've felt hatred and sadness.
But who's to blame, I've created this madness.
It tore me down, deep in a hole.
It's sin I tell you, it snatched my soul.

I want my life back, Lord. I'll give you my heart.
I know where it ends, but where does it start?