Slow down

By CECILIA TUCKER

© St. Petersburg Times,
published July 30, 2001

Every time I turn on the VCR, I am keenly aware of how it mimics my life. It seems my life is in reverse, fast forward, or stopped. Seldom do I feel everything is running smoothly and I am relaxing in the "play" mode. One of the things that concerns me the most is I don't seem to be the one with the remote control selecting which function is to happen next. Is there anything I can do to change this out-of-control feeling?

When I am in the reverse mode I feel I have lost focus of my goals. I wish I could say this is just in one area of my life but when reverse kicks in it affects my entire life. I seem to be messing up at home, at work and at school. Everyone notices and feels the need to comment about my failings. Instead of these comments moving me forward, I let them weigh me down. Then I tell myself what a screw up I really am and things go in reverse even faster. I want to give up and just quit, but I am smart enough to know that approach will solve nothing.

I try to find the controlling factors when I am in reverse but usually they are not so apparent to me. The best I can do when I am in reverse is to find the stop button and regroup. I find just telling myself to stop and refocus helps me begin to get out of my negative and backward decline. I need to tell myself this reverse action is only temporary, then I can see myself in a new light. Then it seems I move forward and feel more in control of my life again. I know this sounds silly but it seems to work for me and that's all that counts!

When I find myself in the fast-forward position it is just as frustrating. These are the times everything in my life seems to be reeling too quickly out of control. Decisions are harder for me to make, so I let others decide for me and things go crazy. I look around and wonder how I got myself into the messes I find myself in. I realize I am missing out on what I thought were the more important things in my life. Again, I know I have lost my focus and I am on a fast track to who knows where. I let peer pressure bully me into ignoring my priorities. I yield to the "quick fixes" so I can get on with having the "real fun in life." I seem to convince myself that I'll be okay going off and leaving my childish priorities. I tell myself fast forward is the only way I can grow up and leave my boring family behind. I feel important when I am with the "fast" group, until I stop again and let myself see and feel the truth about me.

I have never before realized how important the stop button on the remote control really is to controlling the outcome of my own life's movie. I am tired of being behind or going too fast. Both of these positions cause me to miss out on the good times I say I want. So what can I do to slow down? I want to hit the play button and relax. Is that possible? Will I have more control over my life if I stop putting things off and stop trying to rush through things? The object of my life right now is to have fun and go to school. There is bound to be an easier way to do this thing we call living than what I have tried thus far.

Where is that remote control? I am going to push the play button and try to enjoy my own show!

IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.

Here's the rest of today's Xpress