Reinventing the family reunion

[Times photo: Thomas M. Goethe] Betty Wilkinson, Evelyn Dale, Rosemary Chimpoulis and Elizabeth Chimpoulis talk while Allison Russell, 2, and Nicholas Chimpoulis, 4, play on the floor.

By TERRI D. REEVES

© St. Petersburg Times,
published July 31, 2001

Whether you're planning a fancy cruise or a down-home picnic, organizing a reunion is a complex task.

Talitha Ann Jaco was 36 when she married 57-year-old Benjamin Cleveland Wilkinson in 1893. She would have been 144 and he would have been 165 had they been able to attend a recent family reunion.

They were there, in a way: Their sepia-toned photos show a couple who faced many struggles. Benjamin was wounded and captured in the Civil War; Talitha found serenity through stitching and crocheting. Their photos, protected in vintage oval frames, lay on a colorful patchwork quilt created by Talitha, said to be at least 126 years old. It draped a table at a Wilkinson family reunion; underneath it, her great-great-great-grandchildren played with tiny toy cars that came dangerously close to the heels of the older relatives.

Elizabeth Wilkinson Chimpoulis, 42, planned the family's first reunion in 21 years. She was only 21 when the Wilkinsons last gathered in Montgomery Bell State Park in Dickson, Tenn. Chimpoulis has many memories of the gathering, including the temperature -- a sweltering 107 degrees. She also remembers a group of the "naughty" family members going to Printers Alley, a rough entertainment district, on Saturday night.

Portraits of ancestors Talitha Ann Jaco and Benjamin Cleveland Wilkinson were displayed atop a quilt fashioned by Talitha.

Now, Chimpoulis is a homemaker living in Davie and the mother of two boys, ages 3 and 4. After surveying family members, she decided to hold the reunion in Sun City Center, with a reception at the Kings Point Club House on Friday night, a picnic and family portrait in Simmons Park in Ruskin on Saturday and a farewell luncheon on Sunday.

"My parents and aunt live there, and we have a lot of other family clustered around the Tampa area," she said. "This seemed to be the easiest location for us."

It was a gathering of about three dozen and encompassed four generations, ranging in age from 3 months to 80 years. The Wilkinsons share the family traits of being quietly sociable and fond of teasing, and, as Chimpoulis proudly pointed out, they age well.

The first-time reunion planner has been working on the event since October, getting a consensus about meeting times and location, planning the food, firing off communiques, enlisting volunteer helpers and securing a photographer.

She prepared reunion packets that included maps, Wilkinson family word games and blue pencils engraved with the words: "Wilkinson 2001 Family Reunion." She arranged for cousins to monogram T-shirts with the Wilkinson name and crossing swords (yes, like those on the razor packaging). And she recruited the family artist to paint a family tree.

Deb Ground, left, Scott and Linda Qualls compare family photos, a major pastime at the reunion.

Chimpoulis even created an evaluation form, which asked questions such as "What was the most disappointing aspect of the reunion for you?" and "Would you be willing to help organize the next reunion?" Too, she asked members to rank everything from accommodations to food to organization, on a sliding scale from Awful to Excellent.

For favors, Chimpoulis prepared molded chocolates. She poured melted white chocolate into "Welcome" molds, wrapped the candies in cellophane and placed them on the tables at the reception. For the departure, she made goodie bags filled with chocolates monogrammed with a "W" and tied with a tag that said "Farewell."

Even with her meticulous planning, there were setbacks.

Chimpoulis became sick before the reunion and developed laryngitis.

Louise Zober, 80, the family matriarch, got last-minute stage fright.

"I have to give a speech about the Wilkinsons, and I can't remember anything," she said.

The weather didn't cooperate. Tampa was having a deluge of rain that prevented many members from arriving on time.

Robert L. Wilkinson checks out a branch on the family tree created by family artist Deb Ground.

Even the portrait of the family tree, a 30- by 40-inch watercolor with a family member's name on each branch, had a few unruly twigs.

"I ran into a problem," confided Deb Ground, the 49-year-old family artist who painted the huge magnolia tree in her Tampa yard. "I had one too many branches on one of the limbs, so I had to switch cousins."

Nonetheless, everyone seemed to enjoy reconnecting.

First cousins Scott Qualls and Russell Wilkinson were last together in 1970, when Scott returned from duty in Vietnam. They had to look twice before they recognized each other.

"We've lost hair, gained weight and now need reading glasses to see the old photos," said Qualls, 51, of Raleigh, N.C.

"As children we would see each other at least once a year in Tennessee," said Russell Wilkinson, 45, who lives in Tampa. "It's just great to see him again."

Many younger people were meeting family for the first time.

John Livingston, 25, from Tampa, arrived with his 3-year-old son, Jared.

"I've never met most of these people," he said upon entering the room. "I'm just looking forward to meeting them and hearing about their lives. Jared is a little shy, so I don't know how he will do."

Linda McCurdy of Sunrise said the reunion made her aware of how quickly time passes.

"When I came to the reunion in 1980, my youngest daughter was 6 months old. Now I'm here showing off my 3-month-old grandson."

Even the teens enjoyed the family atmosphere.

One of the two family coats of arms on display bears the motto “Glory not to me but to you.”

Shana Wilkinson, 15, chose to miss her basketball tournament.

"We don't ever get to see a lot of these people, so it's really nice to come," she said.

On a display table with a sign that read "Honoring the Past," members shared photos and recollections. Among the pictures was that of a handsome young man, Chimpoulis' brother, who died at 30. Beside it rested a photo of a young woman killed in a car accident at 25.

Another display table titled "Family Memorabilia" held pictures, scrapbooks and articles, including a scrapbook from the 1980 reunion.

Food was prepared by Chimpoulis' aunts and served buffet style. The menu included ham, green beans, sweet potatoes, homemade applesauce, potato salad, deviled eggs and bread. Dessert was a full sheet cake -- one side vanilla, the other chocolate, with vanilla icing that said "Hooray -- The Wilkinsons" and was decorated with a spray of flowers.

After dinner it was time to reminisce about the ancestors and share genealogy information.

Chimpoulis mustered up what little voice she had left and asked for someone to volunteer to plan the next reunion. Her efforts backfired. The group unanimously nominated her.

Louise Zober shed her stage fright and told stories of the early Wilkinsons, their first farms and grist mills.

Finally, Betty Wilkinson, the 73-year-old family genealogist who created the official Wilkinson Genealogical Record, spoke.

"The Wilkinsons are a very interesting family in an ordinary way," she began.

She noted that there are about 113,500 adults in the nation using the Wilkinson name. It is the 213th most popular name in the country, and in Old English, it means son of William. She also said that two separate Castleberrys married into the family, and that many members share the birth month of October.

The Wilkinson Genealogical Record is an ever-changing, living document, she said.

"The next time we gather, it will be different."

Does the thought of planning a family reunion leave you cold and clammy? Here's some information that may help you overcome fear:

When

Summer, between Memorial and Labor days, is the most popular season to hold family get-togethers, said Edith Wagner, editor of Reunions magazine. July 4 is the most popular day. Family reunions now total more than 200,000 annually, she said, averaging about 50 people in attendance.

"Trends include three-day reunions rather than traditional Sunday picnics," she said. "Families are using the reunion as their vacations or as a significant part of their vacation, and they're traveling all over to enjoy places they want to visit."

If your family members are into snow skiing or sledding, you may want to consider a winter reunion instead.

Getting in touch

More and more, Wagner said, people are using the World Wide Web to research information about reunions and to contact relatives without spending money on postage or telephone calls. Her magazine's site, www.reunionsmag.com, offers tips, ideas, advice and resources to help plan reunions. Reunion notices may also be posted on the site.

Those wishing to find long-lost relatives may try the International Soundex Reunion Registry. Registration forms are available online at www.isrr.net, or send a query, along with a self-addressed, stamped envelope, to ISRR, PO Box 2312, Carson City, NV 89702-2312. The services are free.

Another great search tool, www.switchboard.com, is also free.

Other Web sites, including www.familyreunion.com and www.family-reunion.com, allow you to announce and list details about your family reunion.

Location, location, location

Popular destinations include other cities where relatives live and heritage tours to visit places significant to their ancestors. Even cemetery tours are becoming trendy. Decisions should be based on convenience, affordability, attractiveness and accessibility for family members.

Patricia Webber of Parrish recommends taking a cruise as a relatively carefree way to host a reunion.

"My husband and I love cruising, and nearly every time we did we saw a family reunion in progress," Webber said. "I always thought, "What a great idea! We should do that!' But doubts entered my mind: "Who would take the time? Who would have the money? What if it was a flop?' "

She surveyed her cousins about timing, price ranges and other details, then proceeded full steam ahead. Working with a travel agent, the family arranged for a four-part payment schedule over the course of a year so people could adjust their work schedules and pay for everything in advance. Through a newsletter, Webber kept family members up to date.

All told, 56 showed up for the Puszczewicz family reunion.

"Most of them arrived to enjoy themselves fully since not many of us had to do any actual work," she said.

Alternatives may be theme parks, beach condos, dude ranches, hotels, houseboats or family camp-style resorts where members can canoe, hike and ride horses.

Activities

Some crossword puzzles and name games Elizabeth Wilkinson Chimpoulis used for the Wilkinson gathering came from a link she found at www.family-reunion.com. The site, hosted by a cartoon guy called Mister Spiffy, is a great source of fun games and activities. He suggests talent shows (tell people ahead of time, so they can bring something with them, such as a violin or blow torch), family skits (every family has major-league hams), pie-eating contests (no hands or utensils allowed) and storytelling (tell stories, preferably embarrassing ones, about each other).

Other, more traditional, family reunion ideas you may want to consider: mummy wraps with plenty of toilet paper, softball games, tug-of-war, karaoke, T-shirt decorating, time capsules, scavenger hunts and pinata smashing.

Sharing the cost

Who picks up the tab? When Chimpoulis planned the Wilkinson reunion, it began as a one-day family picnic. She requested $10 apiece for adults, $5 for children. The reunion became a three-day event only about six weeks before it happened. Chimpoulis was able to reimburse the aunts for the food, but she ended up donating a lot.

Some members stayed with relatives, and others in nearby hotels or motels, according to their budgets and desires.

Expenses to consider include food, rent, supplies, T-shirts, entertainment, activities, keepsakes, printing, postage and long-distance phone calls.

In The Family Reunion Sourcebook, Wagner recommends appointing a treasurer to keep track of expenses and pay the bills. Reunion organizers often pay the initial out-of-pocket expenses, including printing, postage and phone calls. Wagner suggests that the first communication state clearly that everyone will pay his or her own way and an equal share of the expenses.

Volunteers

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Take into account individual talents when determining who should do what. Positions to be filled could include a master of ceremonies, cooks, grill chefs, scrapbookmaker, activity director, nanny, genealogist, photographer, talent show coordinator, crafts person, cleanup crew and treasurer.

Volunteers also can be called upon to tend the grave sites of those who have passed on.

James Givens of Dunnellon remembers his family reunions as a child:

"The day would start at the family graveyard with cleanup, using rakes and hoes. Then off to the church, which my grandfather had started."

What a great way to honor the ancestors and teach children about those they never knew.

Keepsakes

Besides T-shirts, calendars make wonderful keepsakes. Note everyone's birthday and include and page listing phone numbers, addresses and e-mail addresses.

Place disposable cameras on each table, ask guests to take candid shots during the reunion, then post them on the Internet. Developed photographs can be used in a scrapbook to show at the next reunion.

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