On second thought ...

By JOHN COTEY

© St. Petersburg Times, published August 3, 2000

Emptying the head of all thoughts in honor of George W. Bush's speech tonight ...

I'm not one for making predictions, but I'll say it: Tiger Woods will win some golf tournaments before he's done playing.

No, seriously. He's good.

Where did the summer go? Can someone please return it?

Typical summer day for high school reporter: Wake up at 11 a.m., stop at Dunkin Donuts on way into work, surf the Web for seven hours, spend $50 on Ebay, write crappy "empty head" column for lack of a better idea.

It was the most talked about television debut -- and Monday Night Football broadcast -- in recent memory, and was so fantastic that who the heck noticed there was a football game going on? I found it to be compelling, smile-inducing and to be quite honest, it made my stomach kinda tingle like a little school boy falling in love for the first time.

Yes, I say the Melissa Stark experiment was a resounding success!

Oh yeah, and that Dennis Miller guy was okay too.

Never thought I'd hear the word genitalia used on a MNF broadcast, though considering his feelings toward Boomer Esiason, I suspect other forms of the word may have been uttered by Al Michaels last season. During commercial breaks, of course.

But seriously, which is funnier? Referring to the wave as looking like Jack Lord's hair, or Eric Dickerson in powder blue?

We had our high school fantasy football draft last week, and the first three picks were Land O'Lakes' Godfrey Pestana, River Ridge's Mike Tubolino and Pasco wide receiver Joe Bain.

In checking out some of the message boards frequented by USF, FSU and Florida fans, I have discovered that Bain has become a hot topic as a recruit at wide receiver. That would make him the token Pasco High Division I prospect for 2000.

I'm not saying that in recent years those Division I Pirate prospects haven't exactly ended up, well, on Division I rosters, but word is Bethune-Cookman has already fitted him for a jersey.

I feel obligated as a writer to use some Survivor reference here, it being mid-column and all, and since that's apparently all the rage, but I got nothing.

I wish I could run fast enough to pull my hamstring.

This just in: Dick Cheney just had a heart attack.

Okay, so that was a cheap shot, but I'll be damned after missing the whole Survivor reference thing if I'm gonna miss out on the Make-Jokes-About-Cheney's-Heart-Attacks bandwagon. All Aboooooooooooard.

I'm not saying that the bland group on Big Brother is the most boring collection of people ever assembled in one room, but ... well, yeah, I guess that is what I'm saying.

Spruce up that place with a little patriotic bunting and voila! You'd have the Republican National Convention.

Anonymous tip: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays have traded Vinny Castilla and an undisclosed amount of cash to Land O'Lakes for the next Baisley offspring.

Ever get the feeling that if WCW's The Artist, who lives in Pasco County, ever came back home in character, someone in a pickup would beat him up?

I figured a Hambrick would end up on the bubble in Dallas, I just didn't think it would be Darren.

So, the folks in Dallas are questioning Hambrick's work ethic and attitude.

In other news, Tiger Woods can golf, Lance Armstrong is good on the bike, and Shaq can dunk.

Note to Darren: hang in there. Please. For me. We already have that "Hambrick Returns To Tampa Bay" story budgeted for the Bucs-Cowboys game, and you're my ticket in.

Note to Troy: If you don't make it, and, you know, need a pal to go to the Dallas game with, parking and the first beer are on me.

The NASCAR deaths of Adam Petty and Kenny Irwin are tragic, but could possibly could have been avoided if the drivers had been required to navigate State Road 52 between Little Road and U.S. 19 as part of their training.

There is, I insist, no more dangerous stretch of road in the country. Yeah, you with the sedan and big sunglasses, you heard me!

I'm not saying the Republican National Convention has been boring, butzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

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