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I like me!
By CECILIA TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times,
published August 6, 2001
First of two parts
It has taken me forever to understand this self-esteem thing, but I think I am beginning to get it. There is a lot about me to like. I realized this morning that I have gone for days without looking at myself so critically. I don't know when the negative attitude about myself took a more positive turn, but I am glad it did. I have now found the new and revised view of ME. This has been a long hard battle. I am convinced I may have to fight it again in a different way later on in my life, but for now, I like me! Do you know how I feel when I say this? I feel great about me.
This is what I have figured out. I have stopped looking in the mirror every day and seeing all my blemishes and imperfections. I still have zits and I still don't have the perfect body, so I haven't become blind. I am doing something daily to help myself feel better about my body's imperfections; I take time to exercise, and I am eating more healthfully.
I am finding that the more I choose to do the best I can with my physical body, the better I feel about myself. I still wish I had the perfect body and the best complexion, but the truth is, I don't and no one else does, either! I do have choices about how I take care of myself. How has this helped my self-esteem? I am no longer blaming my genetics for my body. I am taking responsibility for what I can change about me instead of feeling sorry for myself.
I have also realized that I am smart. I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I have decided that is okay. I have some talents that I can focus on and use for my benefit. I have also learned what I don't do so well. Some of these areas I can't avoid, so now I am not ashamed to ask others for help. I am no longer so quick to refer to myself, out loud or in my head, as being stupid or dumb.
Understanding and accepting my gifts for what they are really works. When I am able to do these things I feel better about myself. In the past, I thought I was only smart if I was No. 1 in everything I attempted. Now I accept that all people wish they were better at something and find ways to put themselves down for whatever their deficiencies happen to be. Well, no more of that for me. I am going to capitalize on my strengths, and that will be more than enough to keep me busy.
I have also learned that I don't have to have all the right answers for all of life's questions. This has helped me not to take myself so seriously. I can be more comfortable in most of the places I find myself because I have stopped trying to be a know-it-all. I am less likely to lose my temper and be on the defensive when I don't know something. I can laugh at myself more and not be offended when others laugh with me about the stuff I am not so sure about. I used to stomp out of a room, throw a fit or be rude to others when I felt insecure. I don't have to do this anymore because I now can accept my limitations without being so defensive.
So what is good self-esteem? It is the way I feel about myself. It is the amount of respect I give to myself regardless of the way others feel about me. I no longer expect others to respect me unless I am able to respect myself.
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Next: Self-esteem is not what everyone else thinks!
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IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.
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