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Abuse numbers are no surprise
By DEBORAH O'NEIL
© St. Petersburg Times, An alarming study that suggests one in five high school girls is physically or sexually abused by her boyfriend did not surprise those who work with teen girls in Pinellas County. Some experts suggest the numbers may be even higher than the findings published this month in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Across the county, girls between 14 and 18 years old are routinely slapped, punched, kicked, verbally abused and coerced into sex by teenage boys and older men they are dating. Despite all the attention and resources that have been targeted at violence among adult couples, experts say violence against adolescent girls has been overlooked. "We're neglecting the teens," said Dale Minzer, youth advocate at The Haven, a Clearwater-based shelter for abused women and children. Minzer runs a teen girls support group at Largo High School and regularly gives dating violence presentations at high schools in north Pinellas. "It's a population gone unnoticed until school violence occurs or an act happens in our back yard." Horror registered throughout the community in May when, police say, a 17-year-old went on a chilling rampage with his sights set on his teenage ex-girlfriend. According to authorities, Scott Lang broke into his ex-girlfriend's Clearwater house hoping to ambush the girl. When her father came home first, police say, Lang killed him. Then he waited for her. When the girl came home two hours later, Lang assaulted her, police say. Teenage girls who were interviewed on the topic said emotional, physical and sexual violence is all too common. A 17-year-old girl who dropped out of Dunedin High School to have a baby in April said, "I know it's very common. A lot of my friends date guys that abuse them." The father of her baby, whom she no longer sees, is 26 years old. He is facing criminal charges of lewd and lascivious behavior for his sexual involvement with the girl. She said her boyfriend routinely assaulted her physically and sexually. "He hit me more than once. He almost threw me through a sliding glass door. He gave me bruises up and down my arms and legs. He bit me. He scratched me and pulled my hair," said the girl, whose identity is being protected because of her age. "I knew if I didn't get out of the relationship, he would end up killing me or my child." Other girls face physical and emotional abuse from their boyfriends at school. Pinellas County Sheriff's Deputy Dave Webb, the school resource officer at Palm Harbor University High School, sees the guys posturing. "The guy will come up and get in the girl's face or he'll say something or give her a look," Webb said. "I know it goes on. I know there's intimidation." Tina Maag, 19, who recently graduated from Largo High School, said she felt she couldn't escape her abusive boyfriend because they had classes together at school. So, Maag said, she started skipping class regularly. On the last day of school, she got a restraining order to keep him away, she said. "I couldn't get away from him," she said. "Every time I tried to break up with him and sit in class with him, it was horrible. He'd say things like I'm a whore, and I'm inconsiderate and I don't care about anybody but myself." Violence directed at teenage girls in many ways mirrors domestic violence, but it has distinctions related to the age of the victims. Like domestic violence, it occurs among rich kids and poor kids, experts say. "I get phone calls from families living in Palm Harbor as well as Greenwood," said Minzer, the youth advocate. "They cross all socioeconomic backgrounds." It often begins with controlling patterns, said Selena Seib, the sexual violence prevention coordinator for Family Service Centers of Pinellas County in Clearwater. The guy will try to isolate the girl from her friends. He will get jealous if she talks to others. It often escalates into physical violence. "I've had kids say, "Oh yeah, I've thrown a girl down. It was expected. I paid for this,' " said Seib, who gives presentations in Pinellas schools on sexual harassment and sexual violence. "I've had kids openly say, "I've slapped a girl, pushed her.' " The study suggested that a disturbing number of adolescent boys "have adopted attitudes that men are entitled to control their girlfriends through violence," said lead author Jay G. Silverman of Harvard University's School of Public Health. Girls often are afraid or reluctant to report violence, said Sgt. Bryan Gavin, who supervises school resource officers at the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office. "Most often, if not without exception, it came from the girl's friends," Gavin said. "I'd call the lady in, and I don't recall that I ever had one admit (she was abused)." The larger challenge, said Sheriff's Office victim advocate Sandra Garcia, is making girls recognize the abuse. Many young girls view their boyfriend's controlling behavior as a sign of love. Reports of abusive relationships with young girls typically come from parents, not the teens. "The biggest issue is the children don't see it as violence," Garcia said. "They just see it as him doting on them." Girls sometimes work hard to protect their boyfriends, Garcia said, making it difficult to prosecute them. It can be a challenge even for parents to notice, said Tina Maag's mother, Joann Maag. She allowed her daughter's boyfriend to move in but said she never directly witnessed abuse. Over time she knew something was wrong when her normally outspoken daughter became more and more quiet. "Not always is it easily recognizable," Joann Maag said. "If parents aren't aware of it, you don't see it." Often minors who have sex with adult men don't recognize the inequities of the relationship and are angry when the police get involved, Garcia said. "They (the girls) feel it is consensual," Garcia said. "They use that word a lot, "consensual.' But there is no consent. I hear, "I had sex with him willingly.' We have to tell them, "Even though you feel you gave consent, he should have known you were not old enough.' " The study concluded that violence directed at teenage girls by their boyfriends can pose serious health and safety risks. Researchers found that victims were six to nine times more likely to have considered or attempted suicide, four times more likely to have been pregnant, three to four times more likely to have used cocaine and three to four times more likely to have used unhealthy dieting methods, among other things. The study called for more prevention programs to stem the problem. "Violence against adolescent girls from dating partners is extremely prevalent," the study said. "As a result, prevention efforts in this area should be expanded and support should be provided for development and implementation of prevention programs and services specific to teen dating violence." In Pinellas County, victim advocates and social workers say they are hoping to reverse the trends with more education. The Haven recently launched a "Young Women's Empowerment Group" that will teach girls about domestic violence, power and control issues, setting boundaries and self-esteem building. It will meet at a confidential location, Minzer said. The Family Service Centers works with area schools to educate teens about violence and sexual harassment, problems many say are becoming pervasive. At the Sheriff's Office, community resource officers and victim advocates are discussing ways to better deliver an anti-violence message to the community. They are considering making presentations at Neighborhood Watch meetings to reach parents. Garcia thinks the problem requires programs that are tailor-made for young girls. Numerous barriers exist for a teenage girls seeking help, she said. For instance, the girls oftendon't fall under the protection of domestic violence laws because they aren't married and don't live with their boyfriends. A woman must be 18 years old to get an injunction; otherwise, it requires a parent's involvement, which can be a problem if the girl doesn't want to tell her parent. "We need to get stuff structured for them," Garcia said. "I think we're on the right track. We really need to do a little more and need to start making it a community effort." - Times researcher Kitty Bennett assisted and information from the Associated Press was used in this report. Teen abuseHow parents can help: Be firm in your resolve to help your teen be free of violence. Communicate openly and non-judgmentally about the violence. Start with conversations, not interrogations or accusations. Try "You look upset" to open the door. Take her seriously. Saying "Forget him" does not acknowledge her feelings. Use your influence to tell her about the realities of violence and your concern for her safety. Tell her jealousy is not love, it is control. Agree on safe circumstances under which she can see her boyfriend. Make sure she knows what to do in an emergency, even if she denies she is in danger. Tell her you will pick her up anywhere, any time, no questions asked. Find out from her friends what is going in the relationship. Encourage her in areas other than her relationship. Do not yell or give her ultimatums -- that is what her boyfriend is doing. -- Information provided by Pinellas County Family Service Centers
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