Time for a fresh start

By CECILIA TUCKER

© St. Petersburg Times,
published August 20, 2001

This year things will be different for me in school. I will be in a new school with a new chance to build myself a better reputation. I do know how I messed up in the past, and I do have many choices in my life. I can succeed with a little effort. No, maybe it will take a lot of effort on my part, but I can do it with a lot of determination and focus.

Over the summer I took a long hard look at where I was headed if I kept going in the same direction. I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered what I had been thinking. I knew that in the past I had been friends with people who made me feel good about myself; yet, each of them was really no prize (as my grandmother would say). I have watched people go their separate ways, with the old gang disbanding and new groups springing up everywhere.

I am not a part of either at this point. For some reason no one is seeking me out. Part of me is scared to death about this situation. The other part of me is trying to see this as an opportunity to do the choosing this time and not them. It seems as if in the past I have waited for them to choose me. Then I discover the ones who generally choose me are not always the best people for me even though I may be good for them. As I mentioned, this time I think I will benefit the most if I do the choosing.

So how will I do this since I seem to have never done it this way before? What am I looking for in friendships? Am I looking for smart people this time over people who are not so bright? Will I hook up with people who do what is expected of them, or will I select a group of people who outwardly need to be considered troublemakers? Am I looking to hang with people who intend to do well in their academics, or will I feel better with kids who just get by? Do I want to be with people acknowledged by the administration for positive accomplishments or with those who have conflicts with authority? What sort of activities do I want to be involved in with friends? I know different groups find different ways to entertain themselves on the weekends and on days off from school. What do I want to do about going to class every day this school year? I'm not sure skipping school on any given day is good for me anymore.

I am finished with abusing alcohol and other substances I have experimented with over the past several years. Starting over for me will mean I will need to choose people who make choices that are compatible with mine. I want to be wanted by my new friends and not just lost in the group. I know I may not be the most popular one in the group, but that is one of the prices I have to pay for selecting better friends.

So here I go. School is starting, and I have a clean slate. I really want to move on from my troubling past and set myself toward a brighter future. I know I can do it. I know where to start, but I am afraid. Finding better people for what I am seeking in life now will be a challenge. It is so easy to take the easy way out, but I won't start my new chance this way. I will wait, watch and not weaken on my decision this year. I am ready to accept the consequences of not having a lot of friends but having a few people I can count on and who will help me grow!

IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.

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