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The Curse of the Jade Scorpion suffers from warmed-over Woody Allen the actor. He's too old for his role, and his character unbelievable. And Allen the director tries a bit too hard to conjure up old triumphs.
By STEVE PERSALL
© St. Petersburg Times, published August 23, 19
Remember when moviegoers wished Woody Allen were funny again? Now it might be a good idea if he stopped trying.
Nobody wants to see Allen revert to the morose moods of Interiors. But it's obvious that the aging filmmaker isn't creatively spry enough to make contemporary audiences laugh simply for laughter's sake. We can still giggle at a tarnished artist's rant (Deconstructing Harry) or a dirty old man's fantasies (Mighty Aphrodite), but going Bananas again appears out of the question.
Allen's new movie, The Curse of the Jade Scorpion, continues the sinking feeling that began about 10 minutes into his last one, Small Time Crooks. Once again it's a crime caper, this time with a 1940s air of nostalgia -- kudos to designer Santo Loquasto and cinematographer Zhao Fei -- yet those golden-era trappings compound the dated humor.
The director's first mistake is casting himself as insurance investigator C.W. Briggs after he has done well lately with alter-ego actors such as John Cusack and Kenneth Branagh. Pardon the constructive ageism, but this role belongs to a younger man. Allen isn't anyone to make Helen Hunt, Charlize Theron or Elizabeth Berkley swoon, regardless of wit. Romancing Woody has become a creepy proposition these days.
Neither is Allen, the actor, someone to play a crack detective. When C.W. brags about recovering a stolen Picasso, we expect to hear about some bumbling path to success, not a confident deduction and an old gag about abstract art. C.W. looks like the schlub we've loved before, but his attitude doesn't match the rumpled physique. The underdog who once needed confidence from an imaginary Bogart is playing tougher than suits him.
Hunt plays Betty Ann Fitzgerald, an efficiency expert already on C.W.'s nerves when the movie begins. They snipe at each other incessantly, so of course they'll fall in love. How that turnabout occurs is a mystery, even with the supernatural angle Allen uses to propel the meager plot.
During a birthday party for a colleague, C.W. and Betty Ann are hypnotized by Voltan (David Ogden Stiers), using a jade scorpion pendant. The stage performer uses post-suggestive code words -- Constantinople and Madagascar -- to make the rivals feel love. Those words will also make them unwitting jewel thieves with inside information about clients' security systems.
Meanwhile, Betty Ann is waiting for the boss (Dan Aykroyd, doing Fred MacMurray in The Apartment) to divorce so they can be together openly. Other office workers include Berkley's comely secretary and dependable side-swipers Wallace Shawn and John Schuck. Charlize Theron scores as a breathy vamp occasionally squealing that she can't understand her attraction to C.W. Neither can we.
None of these roles have dramatic arc. Allen starts everyone at the apex of their character development and coasts downhill from there. C.W.'s failed marriage is whispered about, but never explained. Betty Ann's brief contemplation of suicide is odd, considering how tough she's been. What makes her do it, or causes anyone else to do what they do? Voltan displays the only clear motivation and that's elementary greed.
Allen's dialogue does crackle at times with the old spark, usually in C.W. and Betty Ann's rat-a-tat putdowns. He's still adept at sketching absurdities such as Professor Irwin Corey's beggarman snitch. It's good script, filmed in a frustrating, static fashion that would be considered dull even when these jokes were common. And the banjo-plucking musical score has to go.
The Curse of the Jade Scorpion could be viewed as another Radio Days, an affectionate look at a past era. For those concerned with the present and future, the movie is a distressing example of someone working past his prime. It's interesting to note that Allen has a project due in 2002 and this one, unlike any in years, has an announced title: Hollywood Ending. The Woodman may be telling us something.
Grade: C+
Director: Woody Allen
Cast: Woody Allen, Helen Hunt, Charlize Theron, Dan Aykroyd, David Ogden Stiers, Elizabeth Berkley
Screenplay: Woody Allen
Rating: PG-13; sexual humor
Running time: 95 min.