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Floor plans for all kinds of tomfoolery
By HOWARD TROXLER
© St. Petersburg Times,
published August 29, 2001
Who can keep track of every twist of the scandal in Tampa involving a city housing official, the employee whom he dated and promoted, and the companies that got city business and did construction or other services for those two personally?
Throw in an pattern of, er, interesting mortgage loans, city rules unenforced against their old or new houses, city records vanishing, an initial "investigation" by a city attorney who also has business ties to the housing guy, and a mayor who is highly offended that anybody would question any of this, and you get the 2001 version of the...
TAMPA PARADE OF HOMES
The “Girlfriend”
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THE "GIRLFRIEND." This charming little model in South Tampa features a cottage-like feel in 4,200 square feet of living space and four bedrooms, three baths, a pool and a spa. Special financing & construction rates available. Yours for a mere $19.99, a proof of purchase seal and two bottle caps!
The “LaBrake”
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THE "LABRAKE." Actually we don't know much about this one, since all the records have mysteriously disappeared. But rest assured that this beauty will feature the latest conveniences, such as floating property lines so you can install fences on your neighbor's lot, and a special "complaint-activated" code enforcement system to handle nosy neighbors who file complaints! By the way, check out the roof trusses on this baby!
The “Shell”
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THE "SHELL." We keep hearing about this model -- some people try to pass it off as the "Girlfriend" above, but don't be fooled! Here's the original, ready for you to finish out as you choose!
The “Greco”
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THE "GRECO." This all-glass model is perfect for those who lecture everybody else about not casting stones, or not casting anything else, for that matter. Don't worry, plenty of windowshades for blocking out what you don't want to see. Note: Best access through back door.
PLEASE PATRONIZE OUR ADVERTISERS
DICK & JIMMY'S DETECTIVE AGENCY
"When You Really Don't Want To Know"
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THAP HOME MOVERS INC.
Aging home sitting on your dream lot? We'll make it disappear -- absolutely no questions asked!
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HOKUM CREDIT UNION
"We loan to anybody!"
Second, third, fourth, fifth mortgage? No problem!
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CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING
| WORK at home, get paid! Sky's the limit -- "I went from $6 to $26 an hour!" -- L.M., Tampa. No pesky ethics code. City of Tampa Personnel Dept. |
I AM NO LONGER responsible... well, really, for much of anything. D. Greco, Tampa. |
| FORGET STUFFING ENVELOPES, make big money handing out gift baskets! Contact THAP Inc. |
SWFBIA (Single White FBI Agent) looking for TCE's (Talkative City Employees) for possible relationship, document exchange. Don't worry, we'll find you. |
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Note: A variety of wiseacres that I know contributed to this report.
- You can reach Howard Troxler at (727) 893-8505 or at troxler@sptimes.com.
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