© St. Petersburg Times, published September 3, 2000
Hello, I'm Drew Bledsoe, and today, I'm going to be wearing neighbor Brian Daubach's jersey. No, not because we're pals. But from the looks of it, nobody from Tampa Bay can hit Daubach.
-- Bucs coach Tony Dungy admits he's been more demonstrative this training camp, and darned if it isn't so. He's so excited by today's opener, witnesses swear they saw an eyebrow twitch this week.
-- Definition of good fortune: You are in a dunking booth, and piranha are swimming in the water below. Thankfully, the guy throwing the ball at the target is a Devil Rays pitcher.
-- Which means, of course, the Kewpie Dolls are safe.
-- Say this for George Steinbrenner. If you're Jeff Nelson, it's a lot scarier having him wake up than, say, Godzilla.
-- Idea for a T-shirt: No, I don't want to hear about your fantasy team.
-- Things to remember to bring to Australia: Tape recorder, extra batteries, DVD of Quigley Down Under.
-- They say a football team takes over the personality of its coach. Which means, of course, the Patriots are going to spend this season in the room with Sidney, Muhammad and Jugdish.
-- Here's an idea. The next time the Rays want to hit a batter, maybe they should try a different direction. They should have John Flaherty do it.
-- Did you see where Havana was eliminated as host for the 2008 Olympics? I'd feel better, but Baghdad, Dubrovnik and (shudder) Atlanta remain possible.
-- There is a reason U.S. swimmer Jenny Thompson wishes the debate about her posing topless for Sports Illustrated would cease. Frankly, she's getting kind of cold.
-- This just in: USF athletic director Paul Griffin has studied World War II, and he would like to say, in the strongest possible terms, there were NO Germans involved.
-- In a story in the Baltimore Sun, Trent Dilfer says it's his new role as a backup and new receivers that have led to his "ugly, high, overthrown passes." One more time, what was his reason here?
-- I wouldn't worry if I was the Ravens. Soon, Dilfer will be in shape to throw ugly, low, underthrown passes.
-- As far as that ear-biting thing, U.S. wrestler Matt Lindland learned it from Obi Wan Tyson. Also, the Greco Mind Trick.
-- Battle cry at Wisconsin, obviously a program with FSU-envy. Today, it's the shoes. Tomorrow, it's Dillard's.
-- Granted, hitting the opposing batter with a 95-mile an hour fastball can be criminal. But when the Rays tried, and kept missing, what was the charge? Assault with a diddly weapon?
-- Now that Ryan Leaf is a starting quarterback again, are the rest of the Rugrats going to miss him?
-- Things to remember to bring to Sydney: Extra contact lenses, spider-bite medicine and that Men at Work CD, which I understand is easier to eat than some of the bar food.
-- Something strange, in your neighborhood? Who you gonna call? Isaiah Rider: Zen Buster.
-- Among the things I need explained to me: Why were the Rays upset at Don Baylor for saying he wanted Vinny Castilla? I would think their reaction would be: Hey Don, can we buy you lunch?
-- Speaking as a guy, I look at the talk of a John McEnroe vs. Serena Williams match this way: If there is going to be another battle of the sexes, does my side have to represented by a geezer?
-- Hey, Pedro. The fighting is over. You can come out from beneath the bench now.
-- Does anyone know when the Jerry Colangelo telethon begins?
-- Drag queens in the Closing Ceremonies? I'm not offended. I think it's great that if Dennis Rodman can't be on the Dream Team, he can still play a part in the Olympics.
-- Okay, family, here's the deal. If Todd Helton hits .400, we drop the "S' and claim we're kin. Got it?
-- Being a romantic, and a chess player, I don't think of Lisa Lopes as Andre Rison's ex-girlfriend. I think of her as a bad checkmate.
-- So, Comiskey Park is getting a facelift? How much is it going to cost St. Petersburg taxpayers this time?
-- Wayne Huizenga wants $1-billion for the Dolphins? See. I knew he was Dr. Evil.
-- Thumbing through my Berlitz guide, I see that "barbie" is Australian for barbecue, that "Sheila" is Australian for woman and that "Jai Taurima" is Australian for John Rocker.
-- Not to say Ken Griffey is gloomy lately, but I understand he walked into a bar the other night, and they asked him to leave so they could have happy hour.
-- Things to remember to bring to Sydney: Pads, pens and gymnast Blaine Wilson who, like the platypus, appears to be something of an odd sort of duck.
-- Just wondering: Wouldn't it have been a more interesting show if they had left a couple of people on the island? Bill Romanowski comes to mind.
-- What? They canceled the Virginia Tech game because of horrible lightning? Hey, if we did that in Tampa Bay, we'd never see a hockey game.
-- Ah, Monday Night Golf. Finally, a place for Dennis Miller to drop the word "putts" into his conversations and get away with it.
-- Did you see where Deion Sanders thinks the position of "cornerback" should now be referred to as "Deion?" As in" "Hey, what position did that brittle egomaniac used to play? You know, the guy who never made a tackle." "Oh,he's playing "Deion."
And the position of a high-priced wide receiver on cruise control would be "Alvin."
-- Things to remember to bring to Sydney: Passport, traveler's check, and that invitation to Olivia Newton-John's pool party.
-- No, not really.
-- Finally, how about a fan contest for the last game of the year: Rays Fans! Win a Chance to Throw at Brian Daubach!"