All is comical inside the mind of Marcus Jones

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By GARY SHELTON

© St. Petersburg Times,
published September 7, 2001

TAMPA -- In the mind of Marcus Jones, heroes dwell.

In the world behind his eyes, the colors always are bright, and the villains always are nasty, and good guys always seem to soar in to save the day. In there, the world always is at risk until the final exclamation point of the final page.

This is the world of comic books.

To Jones, the Bucs defensive end, it really isn't that different from the world of football players.

Except for the shields and webs and laser beams shooting out of the eyes, of course.

Always, Jones has loved the modern mythology of the comic book. It is a world of courage and cowards, where cartoonish figures with unnaturally sized muscles attempt to thwart the misguided geniuses who would conquer them. It is a world of outlandish nicknames and unusual costumes. Admit it. Add third and 1, and you might as well be talking about the NFL.

Comics give you Thor; the NFL gives you the Vikings. Comics give you Ironman; the NFL gives you Darrell Green. Comics give you Clobberin' Time; the NFL gives you Prime Time. Comics give you Dr. Strange; the NFL gives you Al Davis. You make the call.

And so you look at the Bucs the way Samuel L. Jackson looked at Bruce Willis in Unbreakable, and it makes a lot of sense. Of course the Bucs are comic book characters. Look over there, where Warren Sapp and Simeon Rice are playing with toy light sabres. And remember Keyshawn Johnson's epic battle with Flashlight Man last season?

If you wish to talk comics, it is Jones' locker that you seek. Even now, he reads. Even now, he pulls out the issues that were the most special to him as a child, remembering where he was and who he was at the time of their issue, the way some people remember a song.

"It's the "magic if,' " Jones said. "People who don't like comics don't understand. It's like a window into someone else's mind, an alternate mind."

It is a few days before the Bucs' first episode of the year. A time to get silly, perhaps. So join Jones in the large meeting room in the front of One Buc Place that, in a way, resembles the Bat Cave. For the sake of truth, justice and the American way, ask him to unmask his teammates and reveal their secret identities.

Here it is then. Marcus Jones' pulp fiction:

DERRICK BROOKS: "I want to say he's Captain America. He's an honorable kind of guy. He's always telling us the right thing to do."

WARREN SAPP: "If he was a cartoon, he'd be the Tasmanian Devil. As a comic book character, he's along the line of Wolverine or Lobo. He's one of those grungy, get-it-done kind of guys. "Here it is. Try to stop me. I'm going to hurt you before you hurt me.' "

SIMEON RICE: "He's kind of like The Flash. He's quick and elusive. Sometimes, you don't know how he gets out of certain situations that he's in, but he has that kind of speed."

ANTHONY McFARLAND: "There is a character in Alpha Flight called The Puck. He's short, but he's very, very strong. That's Booger. He's The Puck."

JOHN LYNCH: "I'm not sure this is a comic book, but in the old He-Man Series, there was a guy named Ram-Man who used to go around banging everyone with his head. Any time you see John, he's coming full-tilt, head first. We kid him that he's going to end up in a wheelchair at 45 or 50 because of hitting people with his head."

WARRICK DUNN: "He's Speedball. Speedball has a telekinetic force that allows him to bounce off of things. He just goes along his way bouncing off things. That's pretty much the way Warrick runs the ball."

BRAD JOHNSON: "There are three people like him. He looks like Shaggy of Scooby Doo. He's got some of Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius to him. I've seen him do a lot of silly things in the locker room. And he's like Blue Falcon, off Blue Falcon and Dog Wonder."

MIKE ALSTOTT: "He's a smaller version of Juggernaut. When he gets going, he's pretty much unstoppable. Mike's like that. Juggernaut used to belong to the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants."

KEYSHAWN JOHNSON: "He's like Quicksilver, Magneto's son. He has this fierce pride. He has a better 40-yard dash time than Keyshawn, but he has the same personality. After all, he's heir to the throne of the mutants."

DAVE MOORE: "Let me see. He's like Lobo. He's the Last Czarnian. He destroyed his whole world. But here's the thing. He's the filthiest person you've ever seen. Dave's going to kill me for saying this, but he's the kind of person who goes barefoot to the grocery store. He's got all this foot fungus growing out of him."

RANDALL McDANIEL: "He's the Beast from the X-Men. He's got gorilla strength but he's very intelligent. Randall has the same kind of strength, and he's got the same wit."

JEFF CHRISTY: "He's Sasquatch, also from Alpha Flight. He's a big, hairy bigfoot kind of guy. When Jeff takes his shirt off, he looks like he has a built in sweater there."

MARTIN GRAMATICA: "He's the Impossible Man. The Impossible Man can turn into anyone and do anything. At first glance, you wouldn't think Martin is a football player. Then at the right moment, he turns into someone who does the impossible."

TONY DUNGY: "He's Charles Xavier. He can just sit back. He can use his telepathic powers to get into your head if he wants to, but he's honorable, so he doesn't. Really, he's the most powerful mutant on Earth because he can just shut down your mind.

MONTE KIFFIN: "He reminds me of the Joker. I don't mean that badly, but the Joker loves what he does. He loves the schemes and all. And Monte can be a little out there."

ROD MARINELLI: "He's Batman. He adds balance to the Joker. The Justice Leaguers always listen to Batman's opinion. He doesn't have any powers, but he's one of the greatest superheroes of them all."

MARCUS JONES: "Oh, man, I don't know. Sometimes, I'm an evil guy and sometimes I'm a good guy. I'm like the Sub-Mariner. There are times I'm going to help destroy the world, and there are times I'm going to help save it. Everyone has those kinds of days where they want to destroy the world, don't they?"

And so they fly into their season, onward and upward, the Super Bucs heading for the Super Bowl. Sadly, however, remember this. There is a lot of kryptonite out there.

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