Two weeks later, I still have trouble sleeping

By JEFF HAMILTON

© St. Petersburg Times,
published September 23, 2001

Igo to sleep each night with images of crashing jets and smoldering rubble dancing through my semiconsciousness.

I awake to TV talking heads giving the latest tally of missing persons and images of warships heading to a forlorn part of the globe to wreak havoc.

It has been nearly two weeks since the terrorist attacks on the United States, and I can't get the horror out of my head, even when I sleep.

I know that I'm not alone. Nearly half of American women and a quarter of the men polled last week said they are having trouble sleeping because of the attacks, according to the Pew Research Center for People & the Press. Many more people than that are feeling symptoms of depression.

Anecdotal evidence bears that out. Mention in a group of people that you are having trouble sleeping because of this national nightmare and watch how many others pipe up and agree. Ask yourself how many of your friends or family members are out of sorts these days.

The reasons why go beyond the realization that you can't escape the drama during your waking hours. The story dominates television and all media, rightly so, but you can always turn off the TV or put down the newspaper. But you can't shake the images of thousands of terrified people being murdered right before your eyes.

An extraordinary item among the hundreds of news bits flowing by last week might help explain it. Someone has determined that one out of every five Americans has some sort of direct connection, either through family or friends, to the terrorist attacks.

Factor in the indirect connections -- your neighbor's nephew used to work in the New York Fire Department, your sister's best friend almost was a passenger on one of the doomed flights -- and that one-in-five statistic seems conservative.

Then consider the hundreds of people from more than 60 other countries who were killed in the attacks, extrapolate their family and friends network, and it's apparent how the events of a single day have cast a pall around the world.

It's hard to imagine an attack on any other target in the world that would have such far-reaching ramifications.

My brother in New York, for example, has been living knee-deep in the mess since Sept. 11. In the infrequent times we've been able to make phone contact since then, he has described life in the city as profoundly changed. And, as a mental health counselor, he has been busy around the clock and can attest to the psychological impact the tragedies have had on New Yorkers.

My other brother, in Ireland, spoke last week about how that country has been frozen in disbelief and grief over the incidents. He noted that not only were a large number of Irish nationals killed in the World Trade Center collapse, but that the police and fire departments of New York have deep Irish roots. When you consider that two of the doomed flights left from Boston, home to generations of Irish immigrants and their progeny, the connections become even clearer.

Mike Schlaudraff, the county's Fire Services director, spoke of similar far-reaching ties at the candlelight vigil Thursday night at Citrus High School. The event honored the police, fire and emergency rescue workers here and in the stricken cities up North and Schlaudraff spoke of how close the people who answer these callings become.

"We're closer than brothers and sisters," he said. "We work and play together as members of the same family."

And today they grieve as members of one family that spans a nation.

When I think of all of the people who died in these attacks, and all of the people affected as the pain ripples around the world, an incredible sadness grips my heart and clouds my spirit.

Then I realize that this is exactly what the devils who did this want. More than destroying significant structures, they want to forever crush our national soul.

We can't let that happen. We can't let them win.

We will never forget what has happened, but we can't become obsessed by it, either. We have to try to move on, even while our armed forces are girding for war.

We have to live again. We have to laugh again.

And, yes, we have to sleep again.

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