Seeking companionship in a limited field

Still, says a Spring Hill man, "I find myself able to laugh and have a good time with my friends, straight or gay. I don't consider myself in any way or shape sad.''

By STEPHEN NOHLGREN

© St. Petersburg Times,
published September 25, 2001

[Times photo: Douglas R. Clifford] Gil Williams, left, shares photographs with friend Dan Livey at Williams’ home in Spring Hill. Livey and his wife, Betty Ann, volunteer with Williams at the Democratic Executive Committee of Hernando County.

Women who complain about the short supply of available older men should consider the lot of Spring Hill resident Gil Williams.

His prospects for a new companion must come from a very narrow field -- Hernando County resident, mature, unattached and gay.

Two years ago, throat cancer claimed Williams' life partner, David Molloy. They had lived as a couple for 34 years, and Williams misses him terribly.

"Homosexual couples depend on each other in the same way as people in a truly good heterosexual marriage do," Williams says. "It starts out as lust, turns to love, it stays love and becomes stronger and stronger. The last words he said to me were, "I'll love you forever,' with a look on his face I can never forget."

Two years ago throat cancer claimed the life of Williams’ partner, David Molloy, seen here in a photograph from February 1962.

Williams would like to find love again, but he's doubtful about his chances. He's 71, overweight, arthritic, under medication and has been impotent for several years.

Many gays in Hernando County are either paired up or closeted, he says.

He and Molloy had a circle of gay friends, all of them couples. When Williams became unattached, he didn't fit in so well anymore, a fifth-wheel phenomenon heterosexual widows often describe after their husbands die.

Still, he is active in the Democratic Party, reads a lot, writes letters and enjoys the company of friends.

"I find myself able to laugh and have a good time with my friends, straight or gay. I don't consider myself in any way or shape sad."

In this time of tragedy, a need for human contact Two weeks ago, as horrific stories poured from New York and Washington and Gabrielle pushed into the bay area with pelting rain and tornadic winds, I had just finished re-reading Stephen Nohlgren's moving stories about how older people care for themselves and each other. The quality of closeness As we grow older, intimacy is often harder to find. But age can offer new avenues and deepened expressions of both romance and friendship -- if they are sought. 'The perfect match' From the start of their relationship, it was like looking in a mirror.

Nevertheless, he says, "I really would like to have another person who loved me and whom I loved and who lived with me. It's very comforting."

- Stephen Nohlgren writes about aging and retirement. Many issues, such as housing, health care and the end of life, affect gays and lesbians in special ways. To reflect that experience, he needs to hear from gay, lesbian and transgender readers willing to discuss their stories publicly. Please e-mail nohlgren@sptimes.com or write to him at St. Petersburg Times, P.O. Box 1131, St. Petersburg, FL 33731.

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