Perspective: The strange things we do for love

J.J. Smith lives for world records. He eats, breathes and memorizes statistics on the largest, the longest, the shortest, the tallest, the fastest, and he can recite them at the drop of a hint that somebody cares. J.J. is an authenticator for The Book of Records.

But J.J. has fallen on hard times. When a world record attempt at the longest kiss fails in France, his editor tells him he isn't producing what it takes to sell books. The competition is killing them: "Peasley glowered. "Do you watch television, Smith? Have you seen The World's Most Amazing Videos? . . . That's our competition. Big stunts. Crowd pleasers. When animals attack. When inmates escape. When Girl Scouts go bad. Do you really expect us to dominate the new millennium with the world's fastest snail?' "

J.J. believes he has solved everything when he receives an anonymous tip that a junker 747 jumbo jet crash-landed on a farm in Superior, Neb., and Wally, the farmer on whose property it made its final touchdown, is slowly but surely eating the aircraft to prove his love for a woman who doesn't seem to know he exists.

This is the premise that drives The Man Who Ate the 747, the quirky-sweet debut novel from Ben Sherwood, senior producer of the NBC Nightly News.

Though J.J. doesn't believe in love, consigning it to a series of chemical reactions in the brain, he knows a sexy world record when he sees one, and he heads off to small-town Nebraska to validate the human consumption of the world's largest commercial airliner.

At first, the folks in Superior greet him with cool reserve meant to protect one of their own from outsiders. But when word gets out about the ingestion of a jumbo jet, every news organization in the world descends on Superior to document the feat of Wally the farmer. Much to the pleasure of the editors of J.J.'s record book, their publication is getting all the credit for uncovering this story. The townsfolk get into it, too, offering special jumbo jet food and souvenirs and clothing.

And Willa Wyatt, the local newspaper editor and the object of Wally's affection, suddenly knows he's around.

Trouble is, even as Wally finally begins to get Willa to notice him, Willa and J.J. find themselves falling in love. J.J. doesn't want to hurt Wally, but he doesn't want to lose Willa, either. And when the editors of the book toss in a hard curve, it appears all is lost for everyone.

The Man Who Ate the 747 is filled with wonderful comic scenes, such as the moment men in aviator glasses show up at Wally's farm. They are from Boeing, manufacturer of the 747, and they want Wally to sign a waiver protecting the company from liability should harm come to him in the process of eating their plane. As leverage, they note that the machine Wally designed to grind the airplane into an edible dust won't work against the tough material in the black boxes. But in return for the waiver, they will show Wally how to get around the problem.

This isn't great literature, but it is good writing, excellent storytelling and lots of fun. That's all it really needs to be.

Jean Heller, the author of the mystery-thrillers, Handyman and Maximum Impact (Forge/Tom Doherty Associates), covers aviation issues for the Times.

THE MAN WHO ATE THE 747

By Ben Sherwood

Bantam, $19.95

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