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In the midst of the rubble
By CECILIA TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times,
published October 1, 2001
First of two parts
I have been attempting to sort out the recent tragedy in my own little corner of the world. At first, I did not think I knew anyone directly involved in the terrorist attacks, but I was mistaken. I am directly involved, and so are you! I first overheard the story being told at my school. A deluge of visual images followed these stories. I have not been able to sort and file away these scenes. Then I was flooded with emotions that I have not been able even to identify.
What really happened Sept. 11, 2001, at around 9 a.m.? It seems to me this moment has changed our lives and will continue to do so forever. It was a normal day for me and my friends until . . . It was a day all about me and my issues until . . . It was another day to whine and complain about how life was unfair until . . . It was just another day with all the 911s of the day centered on my little insignificant life, until the entire world seemed to come to a screeching halt. How could this happen? How could this country I have so long taken for granted be this vulnerable? Does this make me vulnerable, too?
I couldn't get the words out of my head. I thought at first, like everyone else, that this must just be an accident. Then the word came after the second crash that this was the act of terrorists. Terrorists in our country? I didn't think so, but I was wrong! The words were so haunting . . . terrorists in our midst destroying our landmarks and our people. They can't do this to us.
Then the television added another dimension to the already fearful sounds. As I watched the planes run into the World Trade Center over and over again, I found myself unable to turn off the television. How many times will I need to see this atrocity before I have enough? What will it take for me to convince myself this is not just another exciting clip from an upcoming new Hollywood movie starring some super hero?
If the suicide mission I kept watching didn't convince me of the reality, the people at the scene of the disaster certainly did. The people jumping out of windows, the firefighters and police officers, the empty strollers and the destruction I saw on the streets scared me into believing that this is not special effects from some movie . . . this is the real thing! Thousands were killed. Hundreds of thousands lost loved ones, and our country is mourning for what we thought was safe and secure. Our country is no longer indomitable, and neither am I!
Then my feelings overtook me. I was first numb, and then overwhelmed with fear as I wondered, going to sleep that night, if our country would be safe. Was there more to come? Were deadly gases released into the atmosphere? Was the job completed as planned? When air travel returns to normal will there be more of the same? Are we headed toward war, and if so will I have to fight for my country's freedom? I'm too young to fight and to die! Stop!
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Next: I feel helpless and uncertain.
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IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.
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