|
After the shock, painful questions
By CECILIA TUCKER
© St. Petersburg Times,
published October 8, 2001
Second of two parts
I needed some rest. I just wanted to go home. The road home was not as crowded as usual, and the way home was straight for me that day. I really didn't need to talk to my friends or go out that first night. I needed to be home; I wanted to be reassured for the first time in a long time that I would be safe at home. I went to sleep that first night not saying much but listening for reassurance that all was well in my home. I needed my parents to be at peace with one another even if only for the moment. I couldn't help but think about all the people my age and younger who had no parents to come home to that first night. Who did they turn to for help and reassurance? Their day had started just like mine, but it certainly did not end like mine. Help me, yes, but help them first!
The days that have followed have certainly been filled with more words, pictures and emotions than I can contain. I have listened to everyone's opinion about what we need to do next. I have watched New York City turn into a horrific crematory. The numbness I felt moved quickly to rage and then to feelings of paralysis. I have heard the stories of the people escaping death, and I have heard accounts of what people felt as they watched others fling themselves out of windows onto the street. I have seen police officers, firefighters and medical professional tire as they lost hope in their rescue endeavors.
I am sick. I feel helpless and uncertain about where we are headed as a country. Before, I always thought that someone was ultimately in charge and that I didn't have to worry about the big things in life. Who is in charge? We are a great nation, aren't we? We will stand united, won't we?
Is war the answer? Is there a way to create security again without revenge and warfare? Will our leaders work together to find answers? Is there a right answer? Who are the "good" people and the "bad" people? Someone saw us as "bad," or this evil would not have been directed at us. Does the United States of America have any responsibly in this tragedy? Could we have done something differently to prevent this tragedy from happening? Yes, maybe we could have tightened security, but beyond that, what?
What about all the people who are left without any remains of their loved ones? How will they go on? There will be no caskets to close. There will be no final goodbye for them, just more words, pictures and feelings. I can't help them. I can't help my country, and I can't help myself. So how will we heal?
Religious leaders tell me to pray, but for what? Do we pray for our enemies? Do we pray they get what they deserve? The people celebrating in the streets say, "You got what you deserved!" The people hurt in this tragedy didn't deserve to be killed, abandoned and destroyed; no one deserves that kind of pain. In some ways, I feel we are all victims of this destruction. Pain and revenge create more pain and destruction. Is there a way to solve this? I just want to put my head in the sand and pretend this never happened, but I can't. I keep hearing more, seeing more and feeling overwhelmed. I still just want to go home. Let there be peace in me and my home!
* * *
IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.
Here's the rest of today's Xpress
|
