Theory says we only use a small amount of our brain capacity. If you compare me with the "smart people," I am smart enough to figure out that my "small amount" never measures up to their "small amount." Even if I could find a way to use more of my brain, I'm not sure that would make me as smart as them. These are not my excuses, as I have so often heard you tell me. These are the facts that we need to accept, and when we do, I will not get lazier and less motivated, as you fear.

I need to tell you a few more things that we need to settle so I can find my niche academically. I will never be your trophy, so please stop expecting that of me. I will probably go to college, but at this point I'm not sure. What if I decide to go to trade school or work in the mall? What if I just have a regular job and make just enough money to get by? What if I have to work two jobs to be able to take care of myself and later the needs of my family? Is that so bad? That's what you have to do. Why is it so important to you that I become better off than you? We haven't had such a bad life. I am never going to be a scholar. I am going to be an average citizen doing the best I can with the brain I have.

I always think that I have I disappointed you. I listen to other people brag about their child's this or that and I notice that you just stand there and listen quietly. I watch you try to find something to say that is outstanding about me, and I feel sorry for you. Can't you just tell them that I am myself and you are grateful for that? Can't you tell them that I go to school every day and that I respect my teachers? Can't you tell them that I am learning what I need to learn to be a good person in this questionable world? Can't you tell them that we work hard to have integrity and balance in our lives? Just one time, couldn't you smile without embarrassment and tell them that's great about their kid and not have to say anything about me? Can't you just be proud of me for being average?

Now that I have told you how I feel about disappointing you, I want to tell you how we can work together for me to be academically more successful. Be excited when you see that the teachers always say that I have completed and turned in my homework. Praise me for my class participation and my study habits. You think if I studied longer and harder I could pull all A's. Just accept that I do study, and average grades are what I get with the studying that I do. I put forth effort, and I do okay on my test scores. This means that I am studying and doing more than just trying.

When you see the positive comments on my report card, notice them as much as you notice my grades. That's why those comments are listed on report cards. Grades are not everything, you know! When I get bad grades, I hear about that for weeks at a time. But when I get good grades, I get a "That's nice" or "You could have done better in this class." When you don't get calls from my teachers and my school counselor, please know that I am not a problem at school. I know no one wants to be just average and hardly noticed, but maybe that's not always a bad thing. If you notice, in positive ways, that I'm average, that would make me feel great. I would know you were proud of me and of what I do.

You know, I watch you go to work every day. You're not the owner of the company or even the president. You work hard, you're honest, and you care about the people with whom you work. You make a decent living, and then you come home and care for us. Maybe that's where we are above average. Maybe that's where we are outstanding. Maybe that's SUCCESS!

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IT! (Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen) is written by Cecilia Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Tucker, who has been in counseling practice since 1979, writes this column under the guidance of a panel of teenage advisers, who approve the topics and offer their insights (in exchange for pizza). You may write her c/o: IT!, X-Press, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com.

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