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'Dressing American' erodes our strength
© St. Petersburg Times, I'm about as American as they come. As far as I can tell, my ancestors on my mother's side came over from Holland in the early 1800s and -- although I haven't completed the genealogical research -- there is reason to believe that Nash Glidewell, who fought in the Revolutionary War, is a forebearer on my father's side. I am a veteran and have fought on both sides of the globe (Dominican Republic and Vietnam) in the same year; and I have voted in every election except 1966, when I was overseas and couldn't get an absentee ballot in time. I pay all of my taxes, and, because I am too lazy to itemize, probably some of somebody else's. I stand when the flag goes by, sing along with the National Anthem (softly so as not to throw everyone else off key) and -- as a supporter of capitalism -- always spend more money than I have. Therefore, as some of our local citizens and letter writers would have it, I, as Mr. American, have the right to demand that everyone everywhere in this great country of ours dress, think, worship and, for heaven's sake, speak American . . . just as I do. So I want all of you to grow beards. (Women, at least most of them, are excused). The only proper outerwear is cutoff jeans (or long ones on cold days) and either loud Hawaiian shirts or tie-dyed T-shirts. Everyone must have at least one ear pierced and the only allowable footwear is sandals, although you may wear socks on cold days. The only allowable headgear is a black cowboy hat or occasionally a bandana. The only acceptable manner of speech will be Midwestern American English with a strong overlay of Southern accent peppered with 1960s terms that nobody else uses any more, like "cool" "Wow, man!" and, "Can I have some of what you're smoking?" Sound ridiculous? Of course it is. What is "dressing American?" Does it mean only white shoes and belts, pastel polyester shirts and ugly Bermuda shorts? Does it mean only business suits? Do I, or my neighbor, not have the right to wear a turban if I -- by God -- feel like it? Do my Jewish friends have to dispose of their yarmulkes? If we are going to keep kids at a youth club from speaking Spanish, then shouldn't we clean up the entire language at the same time like they tried to do in France? Let's get rid of all of those foreign words such as taco, garage, cul-de-sac, e pluribus unum, algebra and menage a trois. Okay, let's keep that last one. English-only advocates, when they start babbling about how English is the native tongue of our country, sometimes forget that Seminoles, Choctaws, Apaches and others whose ancestors came over a long time before the Mayflower might take exception to their beliefs. America's strength has always been in its cultural diversity, and a good way to undermine that strength is to get us picking at and ridiculing expressions of that very diversity. It is bothersome that this "dress American" tripe comes from people offering it as a means to avoid harassment and violence. Is the rest of the message "or give up your right to be safe?" Is pancake makeup to make everyone the same skin color the next requirement? Who appointed folks who think this way to the Patriotism Police Department anyhow? The truth is that the psychological warfare aspects of the War on America are expressing themselves in exactly that kind of xenophobic nitpicking. That kind of hysteria has made us a nation afraid to fly, afraid to buy stock, afraid to open our mail and afraid that anyone who doesn't look and think exactly as we do (which, in my case, is probably 90 percent of the population) is evil, suspect and not worthy of the protection of the Constitution that we claim to hold sacred. If you, in this troubled time, have the luxury to worry about what kind of clothes your neighbor wears and what language he or she speaks and to make those issues of contention, then you really don't get it. You really don't.
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Times columns today Howard Troxler Jan Glidewell Robert Troxler Gary Shelton From the Times North Suncoast desks |
