Tra: The right vacation works wonders

But experts emphasize that getting away from it all is both reasonable and necessary for the mind and body to regenerate from even the normal stresses of work and home responsibilities.

"Those who don't take the time to disengage from their stresses ultimately will be forced to take off, like it or not," says Aggie Casey, a nurse who specializes in stress-related ailments.

"If you don't take the down time voluntarily -- especially in these overwhelming times -- your lifestyle will ultimately mow you down," said Casey, director of the Cardiac Wellness Center at Boston's Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.

And mental health experts say that the kind of vacation you choose should meet your unique needs.

"The most rewarding use of time off is not the same for everyone," says psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. The former University of Chicago professor is director of the Quality of Life Research Center at Claremont Graduate University in Claremont, Calif.

For instance, an overburdened executive's beach veg-out might drive a bored homemaker stir-crazy. A safari in Africa might fulfill a life-long dream of adventure or unleash a crippling fear of exotic diseases and uncaged beasts.

On a more everyday scale, if you are a compulsive planner who organizes every moment, you are not doing yourself -- or your traveling companion -- any favors by choosing a getaway that will not let you detach from your workaholic mode.

Nor, however, are you likely to be content surrendering control to others, for instance, on a group tour -- unless you are confident that the organizers make arrangements that meet your standards. Sometimes delegating responsibility produces more stress than doing the work yourself.

Experts in relaxation advise that a getaway needs to be long enough to let you truly unwind, but not so long as to have you working triple overtime getting ready to go, or spending precious trip-time frantic about the work piling up while you are away.

Know thyself

A vacation should balance your needs for solitude and companionship, action and quiet time.

The idea, says Amy Clements Blackburn, a stress-management specialist at Oklahoma's Northeastern State University, is to take a thoughtful look at the kind of vacation that will nurture the parts of you that get short shrift in your regular life, without threatening your fundamental needs for comfort and control.

"Ask yourself what you are most hungry for, then build your holiday around it," Balckburn advised.

That is harder than you might think.

"Most people are not at all in tune with their real, true needs from leisure time," says psychologist Csikszentmihalyi.

"They assume that once they have free time, they will automatically have a wonderful experience, but that is not a given.

"Unless they have seriously considered the kind of vacation that would meet their unique intellectual, physical and emotional needs, their time off is unlikely to be the satisfying break they envisioned.

"The truth is, you have to prepare for leisure almost as much as you do for work."

Sometimes an individual may not be the best judge of what kind of vacation he or she needs, says Julie Kembel, a Tucson behavioral therapist who has written several books on behavior modification.

"You may not realize that you become a nervous wreck whenever you have to catch a flight or wait in line at a restaurant, but you can bet your traveling companion knows it," Kembel says. "He might wisely suggest a driving trip and take-out food, to keep the tension level down."

Or, if you thrive on action while your partner relishes total calm, consider splitting your vacation between solo and together time: You might pick a resort where you can take snowboarding lessons in the morning while your companion catches up on his reading, then spend afternoons together.

Working, to relax

David Compton, a professor of recreation and leisure at the University of Utah, suggests a three-step approach to handling the vacation issue:

First, examine the motives for taking the vacation. What do you hope to get out of the trip? Consider these four basic types of getaways:

A VEG-OUT ESCAPE, say an all-inclusive beach resort or a cruise, with a stash of good novels, might appeal to you if you're mentally and physically exhausted. This allows you to take each day as it comes with no demands, but to have plenty of opportunities for action when the spirit moves you.

A STRUCTURED VACATION, such as a health spa or guided tour, is likely to fit the bill if you want a more active trip yet one that requires little planning by you. If your daily routine involves myriad to-do lists and organizational headaches, imagine the joy of just making a phone call, paying the tab and showing up.

THRILL ME, YOU SAY? A challenging outdoor adventure is what you need -- say, a canoe trip in the Everglades or skiing in the Rockies. The excitement of an adrenaline rush should satiate your inner wild child.

BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITIES: For those who crave a week in a culture capital (New York City sure could use your support and cash now) might do the trick. Too busy to plan the details yourself? Buy a package that includes plane or train fare, hotel and a selection of plays and museum passes.

Once you have decided the kind of experience you want, make a list of trips that make you smile with anticipation, says Compton.

Perhaps a Caribbean cruise sounds inviting but the mere thought of the ocean makes you sea-sick. Scratch that off the list.

Or you would love to bicycle through California's wine country, but planning routes and accommodations is daunting. Save that trip for another time or find a group expedition with a cycling tour operator. (Pick up Outside or Escape magazines at a newsstand or check the travel guide shelves of a well-stocked bookstore).

Compton's third tip is a post-trip exercise that he says often is overlooked: When you get home, evaluate how you felt about your vacation, so that next time you can improve on the experience.

"Often people don't take the time or effort to assess how closely what they wanted resembled what they got out of a trip," says Compton. These people "wind up making the same mistakes again and again."

Keep it healthy

Whatever type of getaway you plan, remember the goal is to increase your well-being, so it should include certain crucial health-inducing components:

Plenty of exercise (outdoors if possible) to shake out the office kinks, release stress and trigger those feel-good endorphins that aid relaxation. Even a veg-out trip should include a daily walk or other aerobic activity.

Enough -- but not too much -- sleep to decompress and wake refreshed. The idea is to use sleep to recharge, not decompose.

A commitment to healthy eating (you can cheat a little, but don't go overboard), to stoke your energy engine instead of dulling it. That means keeping fat, alcohol, and caffeine to a minimum, just like in the real world.

"So many people associate vacations with a freedom to gorge and guzzle and just lie around, but actually that kind of behavior is more destructive than (daily stress); all it does is leave you feeling rotten afterwars," says Aggie Casey, the Boston nurse.

And as with food, say the experts, frequent small vacation portions are better than one big feast.

"There's a great danger in trying to satiate all your needs in one trip," says Compton of the University of Utah. "By the time you get away, you'll be so beat and have so many expectations from that one swatch of time ... that experience won't de-stress, but distress."

Instead, take several shorter jaunts each year and build in periodic leisure breaks each week -- or better yet, each day. A weekend at a spa or bed and breakfast inn, a mid-week hike in the woods, a half-hour each night sitting quietly in a tranquil corner, letting stresses melt and thoughts of tranquillity drift in -- these mini-breaks can help you regularly decompress so you can more enjoy the bigger trips.

"It may take a lot of fighting your own instincts and insecurities, but regularly taking time to get in touch with nature and your own nature is the only way to make true relaxation anywhere possible," says Robert DeIulio, a Madison, N.H., psychologist and relaxation specialist.

"People have the fantasy that they'll be different on vacation, and that afterwards, their lives will be better. But nothing will be different unless you change," DeIulio says.

"Changing the setting doesn't change your basic being. Like they say, no matter where you go, there you are. There's no escaping you."

* * *

-- Judi Dash is a freelance travel writer who lives in Beachwood, Ohio.

Survival tactics for a relaxing vacation

Following are ways to reduce stress on vacation culled from experts on relaxation:

Try to vacation mid-week or in the less-busy (off) season for your destination. You will avoid the crowds and have a better chance of getting restaurant reservations, good prices at hotels or resorts, (except in big cities, where weekends may be cheaper), and a more peaceful exploration of beaches, parks and other wilderness areas.

If you're not a go-with-the-flow type, have as many basic arrangements -- hotel, car rental, reservations at popular restaurants, major day-tours -- booked ahead of time, to reduce stress once you arrive. A travel agent can do the booking, if you don't have the time or energy.

Set boundaries for your trip, such as how often -- if at all -- you will phone home or the office. Make it clear to co-workers that you don't want to be disturbed except in an emergency. Also set boundaries with any traveling companion; discuss your desires regarding the daily pace, solo time and monetary matters.

Ease into the vacation. If you have two weeks, do not fly off right after work Friday and fly back the Sunday night before work. Take that first Saturday to wind down and leisurely pack for the trip, and return that Saturday night two weeks later, to have a relaxing Sunday before getting back into the rat race. By the same token, minimize activities your first day at your destination; take time to feel the place.

Avoid too many must-sees and must-do's. Plan one major activity a day, and take in others as time and energy permit.

On a group tour, take some time alone -- after a meal, before bed -- to think about your experience or other life issues. If you're traveling with a mate, relative or close friend, take some "duo" time to talk and laugh and nurture your relationship.

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