Visits to elderly teach kids about true holiday spirit

By Times staff

© St. Petersburg Times, published November 26, 2000

If you're looking for a way to remind your children that the holidays are not just a time of receiving but also giving, Pinellas County offers plenty of opportunities with its host of retirement homes and senior facilities.

A child singing Christmas carols, handing out homemade cards or crafts and just giving a big, innocent smile can do a lot to boost the holiday spirit of the elderly.

"It's great for the residents to be with children. It livens things up," said Dianna Hanger, director of human relations at Swanholm Living Center on Central Avenue. "A child can come in and change the whole atmosphere of an activity. There is spontaneity because you never know what's going to happen."

Swanholm, which has about 120 senior residents, even has a children's committee that finds ways for more children to interact with the older adults. This Christmas there will be two days when staff members can bring their children in to spend an entire day at the center. The kids and seniors will share activities such as decorating the tree, stringing popcorn, playing bingo and balloon volleyball, hearing Santa read stories, drinking hot chocolate and watching a movie.

The center's goal year round is to make things there more like home. Along with having kids around, Swanholm also has three cats, a dog, nine birds and fish tanks on the way. Hanger said she would encourage parents to call her center or any center in town to set up a time to bring children by during the Christmas holidays and throughout the year as well.

"Every time a young child comes through the front door it brightens (residents') day," said Ann Fleeting, administrator at the Laurels Nursing and Rehabilitation Center at 550 Ninth Ave. S. "My daughter volunteers here every minute she has off of school, and they love her. She reads them their mail, pushes them from Point A to Point B or just gives them a hug and a cuddle."

The Laurels has occasional visits from play groups that come in and make a craft with or for the residents. Fleeting said her center as well as others would welcome groups or just a parent and a child to arrange some type of visit during the holidays.

"Residents that might otherwise be confused often will recognize Santa and Christmas trees and the symbols of the holiday," said Denise Bartlett, social service director at Sunshine Village Nursing Home on U.S. 19 in Pinellas Park. "You really see their faces brighten and they remember the songs that are being sung. It really triggers memories."

For many children, trips to retirement centers aren't just duty. They can be fun on their end as well.

"When they go caroling they are just so excited about performing their songs," said Laura Golightly, director of First Presbyterian Day School, which takes students to nearby Palm Shores retirement center for several holidays throughout the year. "They like having a captive audience. Many of the residents respond with claps and big smiles and "Oh, you're so cute.' "

The school also participates in a program to send toys to needy children in other countries, but Golightly thinks the students may have a better understanding of helping others when they visit the seniors.

"I think that face-to-face meeting and greeting probably makes a bigger impact," she said. "We tend to think of sharing with those in need means the poor or underprivileged, but literally next door we have someone who may not be underprivileged but is in definite need of interaction. It's great for the children to know they can brighten somebody's day and let them know they are thought of."

Along with Christmas caroling, First Presbyterian students have given the seniors turkey place mats, a pine cone Christmas tree or a decorated basket of candy.

"It's always something that's handmade," Golightly said.

For snowbirds who often have no family nearby during the holidays, a visit from a child can mean a lot.

"It reminds them of their own grandchildren. It's great to at least have contact with some children," said Nancy Skirchak, health promotion coordinator at the city's Sunshine Center, which offers day programs and activities for hundreds of seniors around the area. "They really enjoy talking with the kids. I think it brings out the kid in them sometimes.

"Also I think the kids aren't judgmental. You can be who you are and with a kid that's okay," she said.

Children are known for their innocent and unconditional affection, but in a few cases they may become nervous or uncomfortable around frail people or even wheelchairs. Hanger at Swanholm said children age 7 and above tend to feel more comfortable than some of the younger children.

Fleeting, at the Laurels, agreed some younger children may feel nervous around terminal patients or those with amputated limbs. Yet they get regular visits from nearby first- and second-graders who seem fine with the variety of health and medical situations at the skilled nursing facility.

The seniors the 4- and 5-year-olds at First Presbyterian Day School visit tend to be more independent without serious medical problems. But it's still important that the children are prepared to see situations they may not be familiar with.

"We just explain some older people can't get around as well and that some will need assistance," Golightly said. "We tell them some will be very friendly and some might seem sad maybe because they miss their family or they may not get visitors too often. We say some are in good health, and some aren't feeling too well."

And if some residents don't leave their rooms, the children are told, they will still hear the caroling as the students go down the halls.

"Even if you cannot see by their faces that they are happy," teachers tells the children, "we know just having children there will cheer them up."

Here are some other tips for successful visits to senior centers.

Call ahead to arrange a good time to visit.

Stick to that time because these centers are often on tight schedules for eating, bathing, medication administration, etc.

Ask if you are allowed to bring in baked goods. Policies vary at centers.

Ask about the medical condition of residents so you can determine if your children will be comfortable and help prepare them.

If you have a well-behaved family pet ask if you can bring him or her along. Animals are often as popular visitors as children.

Ask if a staff member can escort your group or family around. They can aid in bridging communication gaps or promoting conversation and interaction.

Look through your parenting magazines for easy ideas or call a preschool or craft store.

If your visit goes well, try to make a real effort to go back several times a year.

Praise your child for giving of themselves to make someone else so happy.

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