Opinion: The special session pop quiz

Our legislative sessions, special or otherwise, are scary affairs, but they can be even more frightening if you shirk your civic duty and lose track of what our honorables are up to. Knowledge is power. So test your own knowledge of official Florida flapdoodle with this simple current events quiz:

1. A comprehensive study found that Florida slipped in comparison with other states over the past 10 years on almost every important measure of quality of life. For example, the state's ranking in per-pupil spending on education dropped from 24th to 38th, and our median household income fell from 33rd to 40th. In response, Gov. Jeb Bush said:

A. "These rankings are an embarrassment to our state. As governor, I will lead the effort to reverse these trends and provide a better life for the next generation of Floridians."

B. "Sure, the numbers look bad, but it's unfair to compare Florida with progressive states like Mississippi and South Carolina."

C. "I think kids are better off in our state, the environment is better off in our state, we're attracting better business to our state."

D. "I also think down is up, night is day and my Aunt Minnie is really my uncle Fred."

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2. Responding to the same statistics on Florida's declining support for education, Rep. Jerry Melvin, chairman of the House committee that oversees state education policy, said:

A. "There's absolutely no study anywhere in the nation . . . that says the class size makes any difference in student achievement. All it is is a program put out by the teachers' union and a few of the socialists that just want to spend money."

B. "Anybody who thinks it matters that Florida ranks 49th in high school graduation rate is a Taliban sympathizer."

C. "Anybody who thinks it matters that we rank dead last in percentage of adults with graduate degrees is a disciple of Beelzebub."

D. "We improved from 50th to 49th in crime rate. What do you want, you Commie?"

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3. Sen. Locke Burt is chairman of the committee that tried to eliminate the job of Solicitor General Tom Warner, who happens to be an opponent of Locke's for the Republican nomination for attorney general. Responding to allegations that he instigated the scheme for his own political gain, Burt said:

A. "In the immortal words of Randy Newman, "I'm guilty.' "

B. "In the immortal words of Elmore James, "I musta done somebody wrong.' "

C. "In the immortal words of Beck, "I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?' "

D. "In the immortal words of Sonny and Cher, "It ain't me, babe.' "

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4. Who actually wrote and sang It Ain't Me, Babe?

A. Sonny and Cher

B. Sacco and Vanzetti

C. Sonny and Mary Bono

D. Bono and Yoko Ono

E. The Melvins

F. Bob and Ray

G. Bob Dylan

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5. Didn't the Turtles do a pretty good cover of It Ain't Me, Babe, too?

A. The Turtles? Weren't they some kind of hippies?

B. And didn't they look and sound even less like Sonny and Cher than Bob Dylan does?

C. Maybe Burt was thinking of I Got You, Babe, or Mac Davis' equally immortal Baby, Baby, Don't Get Hooked on Me.

D. Besides, anybody who tries to save our endangered loggerhead turtle hatchlings is a tree-hugging enviro-Nazi.

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6. What are some other Dylan lyrics Burt and his fellow honorables ought to be familiar with?

A. Don't follow leaders, watch the parkin' meters.

B. There ought to be a law against you comin' around. You should be made to wear earphones.

C. You've got to serve somebody.

D. Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth, blowing down the backroads headin' south.

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ANSWERS: 1.-C, 2.-A, 3.-D, 4.-G, 5-Yes, 6-All of the above.

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