Tampabay: The good, bad and a truck full of chad

The Most Famous Ryder Truck In America arrived in Tallahassee just after 3:30 p.m. Thursday as trailing news helicopters beat loudly against the blue sky overhead. It backed, matter-of-factly, into a garage bay of the Leon County Courthouse facing Calhoun Street.

A phalanx of deputies in forest-green uniforms lined up in front of the truck, which bore a large decal on the windshield that said: RENT ME. A crowd formed. Passers-by snapped photographs and made excited cell-phone calls, squealing, guess where I am?

It has come to this. A rental truck full of chad rumbles up the Florida highways to the capital city, while the Legislature convenes to hold its own election for president, and 10,000 lawyers sue each other while waiting to see whether the U.S. Supreme Court stomps on the whole thing like Godzilla.

The Ryder truck is perfect for Florida. No, wait. It would be perfect if the driver had his turn signal blinking the whole way. If the guy ran out of change at the tollbooth. If he got stuck for hours behind somebody from Michigan driving 45 mph in the left lane. If he got robbed at a rest stop. If he opened the back door and little Elian popped out.

The way things are going, it's a miracle that U-Haul didn't file a federal lawsuit, too. (U-Haul spokesman: "We feel disenfranchised.")

The first thing that happened Thursday was that the Gore attorney, David Boies, who looks to me like the love child of George McGovern and Jack Nicholson, held a morning news conference (1) to announce another trip to the Florida Supreme Court and (2) to show a bunch of charts and graphs.

Next to Boies stood Tallahassee's own Dexter Douglass, a wily Florida lawyer who has won many legal battles for the Democrats, filling the role of Distinguished White-Haired Guy Standing Beside the Chart.

(I happen to know, no kidding, that Douglass' wife is mad at him because a couple of nights ago his cattle birthed five calves, and he was not there because he was busy on this presidential stuff. Cows usually get the job done by themselves, but every now and then they need a little extra help, not unlike, say, Palm Beach County voters.)

Anyhoo, the Democrats also said that they were asking the state Supremes to yank their election challenge out of the lower court and take the case directly. The state's highest court has this power through what is called "all writs authority," which sort of means, "We Can Do Anything We Want."

Meanwhile, in an office building next door, the Joint Select Committee on We Have The Most Votes and You Don't was deciding whether to recommend that the Legislature convene and settle the election by fiat.

After careful study and open-minded debate, every single Republican voted yes and every Democrat there voted no. The Republicans won 8-5, at least, as far as you can tell these days.

This recommendation was sent to the Republican bosses of the House and Senate, who were prepared to spend many anguished hours of soul-searching. No, no, just kidding. This is a "recommendation" in the sense that you might "recommend" to my dog Harry that he have an extra treat.

The biggest deal is that the U.S. Supreme Court will hear arguments today on how much say, if any, the Florida courts have. Maybe the Supremes will trust the cool, rational decision-making process down here at the state level.

Late in the day, a motorcade of Bush supporters drove back and forth in front of the Capitol on Monroe Street, honking vigorously, waving signs. In the Capitol courtyard I ran into David Rancourt, the just-past director of the state Division of Elections. His old boss Sandra Mortham was defeated for secretary of state by Katherine Harris. "You are the luckiest (bleep) in Tallahassee," I told Rancourt. He agreed, shook my hand and walked away. Laughing.

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