Money and marriage: when the wife earns more than the husband

It's not uncommon for a woman to make more money than her husband. But a serious rift can form in a couple's relationship if the husband doesn't feel like an equal partner. The following tips can help you maintain marital harmony.

1. Identify root causes. If a husband feels uncomfortable about his wife's salary, it could be because he was raised to think that the man of the house should bring home a larger share of the bacon. He might tend to feel miserable unless he is doing so.

2. Show appreciation. A wife can point out the ways in which her husband's contributions to the household are valuable and important. There likely are many things he does that considerably make up for any disparity in salaries.

3. Do some brainstorming. If the husband still feels glum, the couple can discuss ways he could earn more money while doing what he enjoys. Such a plan could involve starting his own business or investing the money he earns wisely.

4. Joint or separate accounts? It's a highly personal decision, but many financial advisers encourage couples to have joint accounts for pooled savings, investments and household expenses. That way the money doesn't belong to just one of you.

5. Devise a plan for discretionary spending. That's not to say that either of you cannot, or should not, have your own money to spend as you wish. Each of you can have separate checking accounts for smaller expenses.

6. Shun secret accounts. Keeping a secret stash of money is deceptive and it can be unhealthy for your relationship.

7. Be equal partners. Regardless of who earns more money, both spouses should be equally involved in decisionmaking.

8. Get help if you need it. A financial planner can help you communicate and develop workable money strategies. A marriage counselor can help you work through issues that are specific to your marriage.

9. Have retirement savings in your own name. Both spouses should save retirement money separately in their companies' 401(k) plans or in individual retirement accounts.

10. Have your own credit card. It's wise to have credit in your name in case you ever find yourself on your own. Otherwise, you could have a difficult time qualifying for credit down the road.

Sources: Modern Bride (www.modernbride.com); Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationship by Olivia Mellan; iVillage (www.ivillage.com); and Love, Marriage & Money by Gail Liberman and Alan Lavine

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