Time to enjoy Winter Olympics buzz -- American style

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© St. Petersburg Times,
published December 9, 2001

Every four years, America gets the Winter Olympics mega woo. We get schooled on luge. Tutored on bobsled. Names of Norwegian cross-country skiers, Russian ice dancers, Swedish ski jumpers, German biathlon gunners and even U.S. speed skaters are force-fed into our consciousness.

Cool diversion, really.

For 46 months, since the last Olympic snow job in Japan, most of us Yanks have pretty much ignored everything on the rocks but cocktails and the NHL while noticing nothing on a sleigh but Santa Claus.

Sales pitches are nearing full swoosh. Few more efficient emotions/promotions than running the Olympic torch through state after state. It's time to smarten up on snowboarding. To remind ourselves that Nordic combined is not an alliance of Scandinavian countries. NBC is aiming to make it all but unpatriotic to not punch up the Olympic peacock on our TV screens.

Winter Games return Feb. 8-24 to American hills and rinks. It happens every 20 years or so, heretofore at outposts called Squaw Valley (1960) or Lake Placid (1980). This time, the Cold Bowl takes more of a metropolitan twist, bringing skates by the tens of thousands to Salt Lake City and beauteous environs.

NBC is reminding us a half-dozen times a day. By January, it'll be once every 90 seconds. My pal, Bob Costas, clearly gets embarrassed by his network's relentless plugging. NBC will have gobs of media allies. Internet, radio, magazines and newspapers, including this one, will soon be jamming and cramming on these Winter Olympics. Not a bad thing, just different here in NFL country. It's okay. Sit back and enjoy, even if we're not talking quarterbacks, point guards and relief pitchers.

Winter Olympics are a sweet, brief change of athletic pace for Americans who're so into games played with inflated spheres. A temporary rescue of overworked jock minds from the NFL, NBA, BCS, MLB, NCAA and CIA. We will fall in love for at least a Utah fortnight with skaters named Olga and Sabrina, some skier known as Das Stud, a snowboarder called Tricia and maybe a biathloner with "Killer" tattooed on a cheek.

More money will be spent than ever to produce these Winter Games, about $1.9-billion. Sure, the efforts will be interrupted by news of lawbreaking and skirmishes, but at least no Tonya Harding this time.

We're about to be sold, sold, sold with NBC the drum major in this pitch parade. Corporations by the dozens will etch themselves with the Olympic rings. It's the advertising thing to do. By the second week in February, we're sure to be pleading, "Let the Games begin ... puhleeeze."

Being fast learners, by mid Games we'll be into arguing with figure-skating judges and second-guessing downhill tactics and perhaps wishing hockey competition could omit the NHL and return to "Miracle on Ice" emotions. After a couple of weeks, the Winter Olympics will again be mostly purged from a majority of American minds, at least for 46 months.

Don't just tolerate ... enjoy.

NON-OLYMPIC CHATTER: Why do I think, if the Bucs win enough to re-earn status as a playoff possibility, the fate of the notorious frozen custards will come down to teeth-chattering, finger-numbing Sunday in Chicago's Soldier Field against the amazing and endlessly fortunate Bears? ... Now that Tony Gwynn is gone, baseball's highest active career batting average belongs to (cover your ears, Steve Spurrier) an old Tennessee Vols quarterback, Todd Helton. ... Over the past five baseball seasons, the Cy Young Award has been presented 10 times, but only four guys have been honored: Randy Johnson Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez (three each), and Tom Glavine (one). ... Mike Ditka says the NFL's most overpaid player is Randy Moss. ... Dallas Times-Herald pundit Blackie Sherrod says former Cowboys still are running a balanced offense, with Michael Irvin being released from jail about the time Nate Newton was arrested. ... Trackers of the Bucs since '76 remember the constant Johnny Carson late-night jokes about Tampa Bay's 0-14 team, but similar dishonor goes to Detroit with Carson successor Jay Leno saying stuff like, "The Taliban have been fighting badly because they're using an old Lions playbook."

EXTRA POINTS: When does Martin Gramatica stop leaping like a Little Leaguer after even the most mundane field goals, opting to edge into adulthood while saving exotic outpourings for really important kicks? ... Every football boss to win a national championship with the Miami Hurricanes also has coached in the NFL: Howard Schnellenberger, Colts; Jimmy Johnson, Cowboys and Dolphins; Dennis Erickson, Seahawks. I can't see Larry Coker, even if he takes the Rose Bowl, following such a path. ... Speaking of handcuffs, Browns president Carmen Policy says the Pittsburgh cop who took Cleveland defensive tackle Gerard Warren into custody referred to the former UF Gator as "one of the nicest people he ever arrested." ... So, who would you say is the biggest Massachusetts pro sports jerk, Red Sox troublemaker Carl Everett or former Patriots lamebrain Terry Glenn? ... Since now-graying Miami Dolphins from 1972 share champagne every season when there is no NFL team left with a chance to match the glory of their 17-0 season, why don't the '76 Bucs get together and break out some cheap ripple if the Lions outdo coach John McKay's belittled fellows by making it to 0-15?

Whatever happened to Johnny Carson?

-- To reach Hubert Mizell, e-mail mmizell02@earthlink.net or mail to P.O. Box 726, Nellysford, VA 22958.

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