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ANOTHER GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY UNMASKED: The sugar high. The sugar buzz. Whatever you call it, it's a myth.

And that's not just me trying to improve the image of one of my favorite foods.

"Sugar has gotten a really bad rap," says Richard Surwit, head of Duke University's medical psychology division and a researcher of how sugar affects the body. "There are things in sweets that might give you a buzz, but it isn't sugar."

Surwit tells the Raleigh News & Observer that most simple carbohydrates -- like potatoes and rice -- have the same metabolic effect as granulated sugar.

Notice how no one ever warns about that potato high.

The nasty rumor about sugar might have stemmed from World War II food rationing, Surwit says. To make sugar shortages more easy to accept, health officials circulated the idea that sweets promoted hyperactivity.

WE WON'T TALK ABOUT UNCLE ERNIE, BUT: "He saw his dad kill that guy, and it made him . . ." paaaaauuuuuuuse ". . . walk around in this detached state. Until they put him in front of this pinball machine . . ."

-- Unidentified mother, trying to explain the Who's Tommy to her approximately 8-year-old daughter during intermission at a recent performance of the stage version in Los Angeles. And all the girl really wanted to know was what a pinball machine was.

HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO COME TO YOUR NEXT PARTY: Employ the methods used by security-conscious stars who want to pull off top-secret events.

Celebrity card and invite man Marc Friedland, founder and president of Creative Intelligence Inc., did Jennifer Lopez's wedding. Because it was held after Sept. 11, he tells the San Francisco Chronicle, he had to use a new kind of invitation: "Pretty much anonymous. . . . With all the heightened sense of privacy and security, we had to figure out how to handle these kinds of things logistically."

The heightened-security invitation process: The invitation is preceded by a phone call to the invitee, who is told he or she will receive an invitation to the event. When the invitation arrives, it doesn't have the name of the host, it may not describe exactly what the event is, and it doesn't give the location.

"It has the date and a variety of instructions, what to bring and what not to bring, for example," Friedland says.

Don't forget to include the RSVP.

TODAY'S HELPFUL FASHION NEWS AND TIPS: Connoisseurs of prewashed jeans have noticed some new looks are available. That's due to more adept bleaches and precise chemicals, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel says.

Two of the newer washes are Hydro Rinse, which gives the denim a gray cast, and Perma-Crinkle (with lots of heat added), which gives a "just off the bedroom floor" appearance.

Or you can just leave your jeans on the bedroom floor every night and save the $165.

TWO-SENTENCE HISTORY LESSON: Guess brought the first stone-washed jeans to the United States in 1982. In 1986, the "acid wash" process was patented by an Italian company and commercialized by another one.

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