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Christmas sing-along for the politically irreverent

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By HOWARD TROXLER, Times Columnist

© St. Petersburg Times
published December 24, 2001


GOOD KING GRECO

Good King Greco stomped and frowned

When his best buddy Stephen

Was be-set by the hostile crowd

And TV cameras teemin'

"What's he done that is so wrong?"

His Honor asked the med-ia

For the "ethics" entry was left out

Of Dick's encycloped-i-a.

UP IN THE COURTHOUSE

Up in the courthouse, sneak, sneak, sneak,

At other judges' stuff we'll peek!

Get free lawyers, deny it all

And to the J-Q-C stonewall!

No! No! No! I'll never go!

No! No! No! I'll never go!

Up in the courthouse, there you'll know

You can't outfox Judge Bo-nan-no!

GOD REST YE MERRY, SENATORS

God rest ye merry, senators

Let nothing you dismay

As you slash spending for the schools

And cut good stuff to stay,

And hold sec-ret meetings 'cause you can

To keep terrorists at bay

With good tidings from lobbyists of cash,

Lobbyists and cash,

With good tidings from lobbyists of cash.

CITY COUNCIL WONDERLAND

St. Pete's mem-bers had intentions

Of higher pay, and fatter pensions

And better bagels and lox

In their baseball skybox

Livin' in City Council wonderland.

In the city's parks,

you can feed pigeons

Though they tried this year to

pass a law,

"Just one ounce of seed,

not one more smidgen!"

But the mayor vetoed that with a guffaw.

High-speed race 'round Bayfront Towers,

From the Pier, the mimes we'll scour

Pay our taxes too late, let the public berate,

Livin' in City Council wonderland.

WE THREE JUDGES

We three judges of Pin-el-las are

In the news for bars (or for cars)

Po-lice lineups, fake school sign-ups,

Or free legal help from the Bar.

Oh, judges, I wonder, judges, tonight

What cops should do when you're in sight

Write the ticket, or just stick it

Since you're just going to fix it with might.

THE AUDIT CAME AND MADE IT CLEAR

The audit came and made it clear

That THAP was a fi-nan-cial mess

A web of different companies

With wild accounting at best.

While Ches-ter Luney wore two hats

Moon-li-gh-ting at the VA

His glowing audits of himself

Long kept the real feds at bay.

ASHCROFT WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH

Ashcroft we have heard on high

To immigrants their rights de-ny

You funny-looking folks beware

Or he'll put wiretaps in your hair.

Gloria! His private revolution

Gloria! To excise the Constitu-tion.

O, LITTLE COUNTY OF HILLSBOROUGH

O, little county of Hills-borough

You're filled with raucous sounds

Of commissioners who can't agree

Disharmony abounds.

It might be blasting museum funds

Or the sick who are in need

"What will be next?" is what you ask?

That's up to Sam Rashid.

WE WISH YOU AN INTANGIBLES TAX CUT

We wish you an intangibles tax cut

We wish you an intangibles tax cut

We wish you an intangibles tax cut

And a high-er homestead!

On your stocks and bonds

(your lawmakers say),

You shouldn't owe taxes,

make little folks pay!

-- You can reach Howard Troxler at (727) 893-8505 or at troxler@sptimes.com. Not this week, though.

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