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At least that's what the jury decides in the case of man accused of sticking the bird's head in a drink - a felony animal cruelty charge.
By WILLIAM R. LEVESQUE
© St. Petersburg Times, published July 2, 1999
LARGO -- Some potential jurors giggled as they heard the accusation against the defendant. One told the judge he couldn't serve because he just couldn't take the case seriously.
Even Circuit Judge Frank Quesada couldn't help but rib the prosecutor by giving him a pack of crackers and saying, "When the victim shows up, you can lead him to the stand with these."
Behind all the banter, this was serious business -- even though the victim was a parrot.
Theodore Nobbe, 27, a Clearwater resident with an unblemished record, was on trial for felony animal cruelty, punishable by up to five years in prison.
The accusation: He dunked Woody, a friend's parrot, in a drink, possibly a margarita, at a Clearwater restaurant.
Perhaps because the parrot survived the alleged assault uninjured, or perhaps because they believed Nobbe's defense that he didn't dunk so much as an olive that night, jurors on Thursday found Nobbe innocent after deliberating 30 minutes. Jurors either declined comment or could not be reached afterward.
What perhaps was the biggest surprise for Nobbe early on Aug. 8, 1998, was that he could be charged at all, much less charged with a felony, after one woman accused him of dunking Woody in a drink at the Bombay Bicycle Club in Clearwater.
Teresa Natson said Nobbe dunked the parrot's head five or six times in a drink she could not identify in court. A police officer said she said at the scene the drink was a margarita.
"The bird was making some terrible noises," she testified.
"Did it appear to be drinking voluntarily from the drink?" prosecutor Rob Dittmer asked.
"Not voluntarily, no."
Clearwater police Officer Stephen Wannos said Woody's torso and head were slightly damp when he arrived, leading him to believe Natson's story.
After the parrot was taken to the Humane Society of North Pinellas, worker Laurie Walker said the bird ate voraciously, leading her to conclude it was drunk.
"I thought he had the drunken munchies," she told a reporter.
The man who owned Woody, Raye Northamer, took the parrot that Friday night to Bombay Bicycle Club, where he met his friend Nobbe. Northamer, who had a snake hidden in his backpack as well, also was accused of harming Woody.
Witnesses said they saw him choking the bird. He pleaded no contest to felony animal cruelty earlier this year and was sentenced to probation and 80 hours of community service at a bird sanctuary.
Assistant Public Defender Steve Romine told jurors that Natson was an unreliable witness whose story was inconsistent. He said Natson, convicted of six prior petty thefts, may have been trying to steal the bird and invented the dunking incident to cover herself.
"You don't hear from one other witness that Mr. Nobbe dunked a bird," Romine said.
One other witness did testify that Nobbe danced with the parrot, or more precisely, danced with the parrot on his shoulder. But parrot dancing, Romine said, is no crime.
Down the hall, another jury was deciding whether a convicted murderer should die in the electric chair. Here, Romine was questioning how this case, amid the daily procession of murders and robberies, had ever made it into felony court.
Sometimes, those accused of killing pets are charged with misdemeanor animal cruelty.
Dittmer, the prosecutor, said his office had little choice. The felony statute says that anyone who exposes an animal to repeated, unnecessary suffering is guilty of the higher charge. And the repeated dunking, he said, clearly did just that.
Dittmer, saying the prosecution had to be the "voice of the animals," told jurors: "The bird can't come in here and tell you he suffered that day."
Nobbe, who works at a travel agency, was ecstatic at the acquittal, though he remains angry at prosecutors. He said co-workers ridiculed him as a "bird killer" and his family was embarrassed.
"It's been a tough year," he said. "It's just totally ridiculous. I still can't believe I was charged."
Prosecutors were flooded with calls from animal-rights activists after Nobbe's arrest. Parrot lovers note that alcohol is dangerous to a bird. A parrot dunker, they say, deserves what he gets.
"Anybody who would do something like that deserves to be taken to court," said veterinarian Jennifer Huntington.
Today, Woody lives with an adopted family in Hernando County. If prompted, he will say, "Give me a kiss!" and then say "Thank you" if he gets a smooch.