 Relive the top news events of 2000 through year-end coverage from the staff of the St. Petersburg Times.
Counting, recounting days of our lives, 2000
By HOWARD TROXLER
© St. Petersburg Times, published December 27, 2000
The year in review, Part 1:
Jan. 12: Homeowners' association in Tampa Palms decides that sick kid can keep his treehouse. However, his puppy must go.
Jan. 19: Two legislators stage a sit-in in Gov. Jeb Bush's office. Says Bush: "Kick their asses out." He means out of Florida.
Jan. 23: Tampa Bay Bucs lose NFC championship to St. Louis Rams on instant replay call. Buc lawyers file protest with Florida Supreme Court.
Feb. 25: Dow Jones Average briefly drops below 10,000. Analysts blame a few old-style investors who insist on something called "net income."
March 3: Bob Jones University gives up ban on interracial dating. Nothing can be said to make this any funnier.
March 10: Republican and Democratic parties decide against nominating the really interesting guys.
March 26: Florida State University seizes control of Ringling museum complex in Sarasota.
March 27: Florida State University crosses border into Poland.
March 27: At least our next president won't be named "Putin."
March 31: True news item: St. Petersburg City Council takes 21 votes to elect a new chairman.
April 4: Federal judge rules that Microsoft smothered its competition. This explains the mysterious "Pillow" icon in Internet Explorer.
April 12: Some 150 autopsies in Pinellas-Pasco are called into question after it turns out they were performed by a street mime nicknamed "Dr. Happy."
April 22: Jury in Tampa decides Valessa Robinson has really cute clothes.
April 29: More than two dozen employees of Swiftmud, the regional water agency, are punished for racy e-mails. Sample: "Oh, baby, arbitrarily deny my Consumptive Use Permit."
May 1: A form of jury duty is imposed to force someone to be president of the University of Florida. First 128 candidates all swear they have a cold.
May 12: Florida ranks fourth in utility pollution. Promises a Tampa Electric spokesman: "We'll try harder."
May 17: Kirstie Alley buys mansion in Clearwater, but does she ever pick up the phone or even drop a sweet little note? Noooooooooo.
May 24: United Air Lines announces plans to acquire US Airways so it can double its number of canceled flights each day.
May 26: True news item: State drops plan to ban all outdoor fish-cleaning after, surprise, anglers object.
June 1: Governor and state Cabinet vote for cement plant on Ichetucknee River after company expert promises, "The fish will keep stirring it up so it doesn't harden."
June 2: St. Petersburg Mayor David J. Fischer renews "Empty Promises 2001" program.
June 13: State Attorney Bernie McCabe drops Scientology case, wearing a navy blue uniform and speaking in a calm, pleasant monotone.
June 16: GTE renames itself "Verizon." I rename myself "Voward."
June 19: Pinellas rips out barbed-wire fence in Pasco that had been killing deer. Installs razor-jawed bear traps.
June 20: LA Lakers win 1998 NBA championship. The 1999 playoffs, also expected to last two years, begin.
June 21: State abolishes Board of Regents. Each university to be governed by a local "Committee of Barbecue-Eatin' Alumni."
June 25: Eckerd College discovers its endowment was spent on scratch-off lottery tickets. Retired president's office filled with little silver shavings.
June 26: Philip Morris acquires Nabisco, denies new "Joe Oreo" cartoon character targets kids.
June 29: FCAT scores released. Students take five, then start cramming for next year.
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Coming in Part 2 on Friday: Slobodan Milosevic quits only TWO weeks after HIS election. Voyeur Dorm opens new branch in Hillsborough courthouse.
Part Two of the Year 2000 According to Troxler
Back to 2000, the Year in Review
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